The 313 Second Movie Review: "300"

So I was wondering to myself, "How can you top an extraordinary film that just so happens to be David Fincher's first serial killer movie since 'Se7en'?" Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, "300." Not to take away from "Zodiac," but this movie was more than I expected it to be. The film stars Gerard Butler as King Leonidas, Lena Headey as Queen Gorgo, David Wenham as Dilios, Dominic West as Theron, Rodrigo Santoro as Xerxes, and Andrew Tiernan as Ephialtes. I had a feeling this movie would kick ass because it was a true story with a screenplay based off Frank Miller's graphic novel about the story. Man, was I wrong. It boned ass and came without pulling out. Sorry if that last sentence didn't make sense. Anyways, if you remember history, Sparta was not the place to be as a child, being raised to fight for your country and tested from birth and being able to join the military at seven. Makes me glad I was playing Power Rangers action figures at seven. That's your prologue to the movie. The story itself is intense. Think back to your history classes, guys. This movie takes us to the Battle of Thermopylae. The signifacnce of this battle was the great odds. Three hundred Spartan soldiers going against Xerxes' might Persian army, numbering 1,000,000. Going to be a cake walk for the Persians? Not so fast. Leonidas' army fought hard and strong throughout, going down to the final man. Their sacrifice not only brought pride to Sparta, but united the entire Greek penninsula to fight against the seemingly-unstoppable Persian army. Now if you're easily sickened, my best advice is stay clear of this movie. "300" features multiple impalements, stabbings and severed limbs, in addition to three clearly-seen decapitations. The effects were so amazing. The way the movie was filmed made feel like I was stepping into the drawings of Frank Miller. Not to mention, I find ironic that the Persians came from present-day Iran, because they had some fighters on their side who looked like mutations from nuclear waste. LOL. The plot was phenominal, and the subplots of betrayal, government corruption, and defiance of tradition made it more compelling. If anything else, see it for the cliff scene that's depicted on the poster. Smart military strategy there from the Spartans. Oh, and Lena Heady looks absolutley smoking. Definitley the type of woman I'd screw and make breakfast for the next morning. Overall, "300," though not the best movie for the faint-of-heart, is a riveting tale of the first true underdog story in history. My recommendation is probably going to fall on deaf ears, but those yahoos at the Oscars really need to take a close look at "300" for next year's nominees for Best Picture.

My time's up, you've been great. For the road: Busta Rhymes "I Love My Chick"