Shhh. Listen.

You hear that? Exactly. It's pure silence. That's because the Ducks are being crushed by my beloved Al the Octopus. The Red Wings defeated the Ducks, 2-1, last night to take a 1-0 series lead. The Wings were 2-for-4 on the power play, compared to the Ducks 0-for-7. The Ducks might want to work on their special teams if they expect to have a chance. By the way, on Sunday, I'll be serving Duck a l'Orange and Chicago beefsteaks.

My time's up, you've been great. For the road: Lily Allen "Smile (Domestic)"