The 313 Second Movie Review: "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer"

Alright, last movie, for now. Welcome back to yet another edition of the 313 Second Movie Review. As I suddenly wonder why I didn't get a Pepsi to stop the sweat that drips down during this exhaustive work, *runs, gets Pepsi, comes back* I thought, "I don't want to fall too far behind. Let's get it over with." So, here I am, one more review. Here's my lastest report, and personally, I feel the American/German movie "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" is the next best choice available. The film stars Ioan Gruffudd as Reed Richards, Jessica Alba as Sue Storm, Michael Chiklis as Ben Grimm, Chris Evans as Johnny Storm, Doug Jones as The Silver Surfer, Julian McMahon as Victor Von Doom, Kerry Washington as Alicia Masters, and Laurence Fishburne as The Silver Surfer. OK, let me clear up The Silver Surfer confusion. Doug Jones was the model used to create The Silver Surfer's CGI body (similar to Gollum, the latest version of King Kong, and the characters in "The Polar Express), while Laurence Fishburne provided The Silver Surfer's voice. Now I trust you've all seen this film's predacessor, "Fantastic Four," so I see no reason to hit rewind. Let's jump right in. The film starts with a series of odd natural occurances. A bay off the southeastern coast of Japan is suddenly solid rock. The Egyptian pyramids and the Sphinx in Giza are blanketed in snow. Never mind all that, because the media is more focused on the holy matramony of Sue Storm (the Invisble Woman) and Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic). Well, it's not like ignoring weird acts of nature will bite us in the ass, right? Wrong! The Silver Surfer comes in and spoils the wedding. Too bad for the Four. When Johnny Storm (the Human Torch) goes after The Silver Surfer on chase from NYC to DC, his powers are suddenly changed, In fact, any member of the Four he touches, they switch powers. Butch, good news, he comes in contact with Sue, and she isn't wearing the jumpsuit. Catch my drift? Also, he has comic encounter with the Thing. Well, things go from bad to worse for the Four. They now have to take orders for the uptight General Hager (what's with the my-way-or-the-highway military officials in movies). From worse to worst, The Silver Surfer and Victor Von Doom (you really didn't think he was dead, did you) come into contact with one another. This leads the Four on chase for both The Silver Surfer and Dr. Doom at London's Millenium Eye (sup, Victor), the Black Forest in Germany, the frozen tundra of Siberia, and the streets of downtown Shanghai. All the while, Sue tries to persaude The Silver Surfer that there are other options other than destroying the planet. The Silver Surfer then reveals a chilling statement: He's not the bad guy, he's simply the messenger. He is indebted to the real destroyer, Galactus, a large solar storm that destroys whatever planet that it sends The Silver Surfer to scout. Sucks to be the Four at this point. How the hell do you stop a giant cloud of cosmic energy that devours planets? Well, I gotta say, while I like "Fantastic Four," "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" was leaps and bounds ahead of the original. Sure, it's still got all the kid's humor, but it's still dark and sends a few messages here and there. If you want to know more about The Silver Surfer, don't look to me. Go to a theatre and look for yourself.

My time's up, you've been great. For the road: Crime Mob "Rock Yo Hips"