TiVo Guide Week of August 31, 2009 *spoiler alert*

“Rachel Zoe Project” The pressure spikes when Rachel desperately hunts for the perfect red-carpet gown for Anne Hathaway for the Oscars. Elsewhere, Taylor journeys to the West Coast to work on a photo shoot for Jennifer Garner, but she soon grows weary about her job and ponders her future with Team Zoe. Monday at 10 on Bravo.

“Rescue Me” Season 5 finale: Janet and Sheila's plan goes haywire; Teddy suffers a major personal loss. Tuesday at 10 on FX.

“Criss Angel: Mindfreak” A teleportation trick has Criss dropping an object 250 feet above the ground and catching it before it hits the ground, all accomplished in one continuous camera shot. Wednesday at 10 on A&E.

“Skins” Freddie is frustrated by his sister's desire for television fame and grows closer to Effy. Thursday at 9 on BBC America.

“Michael Loftus: You’ve Changed” Comic Michael Loftus performs. Topics include sleeping in the nude, wedding rings and what he would do to protect his family. Friday at 10 on Comedy Central.

“Angelina Ballerina the Next Steps” Angelina is far from thrilled about her family's move to the other side of Chipping Cheddar, and even plans to quit her new school. Then Angelina experiences her first day at her new school. Saturday at 9 on PBS.

“Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami” Kourtney tries to forget about Scott and goes boy crazy; Khloe hosts a transsexual Khloe Kardashian look-alike contest. Sunday at 10 on E!

Random hotness

I'm bored. Maybe I should put up a video of sexy Mariah Carey pictures?

TiVo Guide Week of August 24, 2009 *spoiler alert*

“Nurse Jackie” In the season finale, Jackie is pressed for time to meet Kevin for a midnight rendezvous and Dr. O'Hara, whom she promised to support when her comatose mother arrives from London. Meanwhile, a distraught Eddie drowns his sorrows at Kevin's bar, and then returns to the hospital and causes a scene; and the movie reviewer awakens from his coma to find that his critical senses have been radically altered. Monday at 10:30 on Showtime.

“America’s Got Talent” The final 10 acts from the Top 40 are featured in the fourth performance show. Tuesday at 9 on NBC.

“Top Chef: Las Vegas” A battle of the sexes rages when the male cooks battle the lady chefs in a contest to cater a poolside bachelor-and-bachelorette party. Chef Todd English is the guest judge. Wednesday at 10 on Bravo.

“Royal Pains” Hank treats a hallucinating woman in the Season 1 finale. Elsewhere, Charlie moves in with Jill; Divya and Raj have concerns about their engagement party. Thursday at 10 on USA.

“Monk” Monk poses as a hit man to prevent an assassination. Friday at 9 on USA.

“Being Human” Mitchell, Annie and George face tough decisions as an epic battle gets underway in the Season 1 finale. Saturday at 9 on BBC America.

“Daytime Emmy Awards” The 36th annual gala saluting soaps, daytime talk and children's programs, telecast from the Orpheum Theater in Los Angeles. "Sesame Street" is honored with the Lifetime Achievement Award. Vanessa Williams is the host. Sunday at 8 on The CW.

SummerSlam results

Frig the friggin' friggin' frak! I had a good night, but also a bad night. Translation, I went 4-4 and my record stays even at 214-184. Christian, Big Show & Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio, and Kane, thanks for saving my backside. As for John Cena, Jeff Hardy, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, and Jack Swagger, what have you people done for me lately? The answer: Absolutely nothing. Hopefully things will improve at Breaking Point.

SummerSlam card & picks

WWE Championship:
Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena

World Championship TLC Match:
Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk

ECW Championship:
Christian (c) vs. William Regal

Unified Tag Championships:
Chris Jericho and The Big Show (c) vs. Cryme Tyme

Intercontinental Championship:
Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler

D-Generation X vs. Legacy

The Great Khali vs. Kane

MVP vs. Jack Swagger

I'm a little nervous about SummerSlam. Sure, I'm going in with a record of 210-170. But I can't help the feeling that I am royally going to screw up with this show. Well, maybe I won't, but I'm still nervous. Maybe if you look at my picks, you can say something that will ease my nerves. I've got John Cena, Jeff Hardy, Christian, Big Show & Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Kane, and Jack Swagger. Wish me luck.

It's the dog days

We're getting closer and closer to the MLB playoffs, and look who is on top of the AL Central with about a month to go. That's right, my boys, the Tigers. Three and half games up on the White Sox and six and a half up on the Twins, but will they stay there? I think so. There's still some questions (Armando Galaragga, Jarrod Washburn, Magglio Ordonez) that need to be answered. But the good (Miguel Cabera, Brandon Inge, Edwin Jackson, Justin Verlander, etc.) far outweigh the bad. I really wanna see the Tigers back in the playoffs. Who knows? Maybe this time, there will be an even better moment than this.

TiVo Guide Week of August 17, 2009 *spoiler alert*

“Make It or Break It” After Carter confesses he was unfaithful to her, an upset Kaylie runs off, leaving her teammates little time to find her before they must leave for Nationals. Monday at 9 on ABC Family.

“Rescue Me” Tommy has rocky encounters with Janet and Sheila, and an encounter with Kelly (Maura Tierney) that isn't as rocky. Meanwhile, the guys go grocery shopping with the newly domesticated Lou. Tuesday at 10 on FX.

“Top Chef: Las Vegas” It's viva Las Vegas when 17 fresh chefs infiltrate the gambling mecca to compete in culinary challenges in the Season 6 opener. Padma Lakshmi, Tom Colicchio, Gail Simmons and Toby Young return in their series roles. Wednesday at 9 on Bravo.

“Project Runway” The seamless reality show kicks off its sixth season with 16 fresh clothiers competing in fashion-themed heats, designing their ware at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Los Angeles. Series staples Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn return, as do judges Michael Kors and Nina Garcia. Thursday at 10 on Lifetime.

“Eureka” Allison's baby shower yields eco-friendly gifts and the discovery of drowned scientists in an area where drowning is impossible. Billy Campbell. Friday at 9 on Syfy.

“Rhys Darby Live: Imagine That” Comic Rhys Darby ("Flight of the Conchords") performs. Topics include life in New Zealand, his stint in the army, dancing and mermaids. Recorded at the El Rey Theatre in Los Angeles in 2008. Saturday at 12 on Comedy Central.

“True Blood” The return to a chaotic Bon Temps presents a series of challenges as Bill tries to get a handle on Maryann's powers, Sookie attempts to get through to Tara, and Jason sets his sights on helping Sam out of trouble. Sunday at 9 on HBO.

Grrrr! Argh!

Bravo, YouTube, you suspended TeamFourStar, the creators of Dragon Ball Z Abridged. It won't cost you much. Just more than 95,000 subscribers. Jeez, what were you thinking? Did your CEOs get blackmailed with pictures of them with goats by the guys at Animax? Get your act together, YouTube. TeamFourStar is protected by the Constitution and Supreme Court precedents. And Animax, I don't say this much on this blog to keep it friendly to all, but not tonight. FUCK YOU, ANIMAX!

TiVo Guide Week of August 10, 2009 *spoiler alert*

“Super WHY!” After Princess Pea misses a birthday party, the Super Readers enter the world of "Alice in Wonderland," where they learn about a white rabbit who's running late for a tea party. Monday at 9 on PBS.

“10 Things I Hate About You” Bianca starts a Web reality show, then spices it up to attract more viewers. Elsewhere, Kat complains about the lenient grading system in one of her classes. Tuesday at 8 on ABC Family.

“America’s Got Talent” Five winning acts are selected to the coveted Top 20 in a results edition. Wednesday at 9 on NBC.

“Real Housewives of Atlanta” The fallout from Sheree, NeNe and Kim's meeting is chronicled. Meanwhile, Kim wigs out, hosting a party to celebrate her line of wigs. Also on this belle bill: Lisa has designs on starting a clothing line; Kandi meets with singer Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins; and Sheree salutes her new home with a bash. Thursday at 10 on Bravo.

“Househusbands of Hollywood” Five L.A. guys keep house for their high-powered mates in a reality series following ex-Dodger Billy Ashley; actor Darryl M. Bell (partner of Tempestt Bledsoe of "Cosby Show" fame); actor-screenwriter Charlie Mattera (who's married to a psychologist); and aspiring actors Danny Barclay (married to a lawyer) and Grant Reynolds, husband of TV personality Jillian Reynolds. In the opener, Grant displays his parenting skills; Billy helps Darryl work out; and Ryan O'Neal visits his pal Charlie. Saturday at 9 on Fox Reality.

“Entourage” Eric mulls a job offer and tries to rebound from an ill-advised remark to Ashley; Drama puts himself between Jamie-Lynn and a notorious TV boss; Ari is surprised by an agency visit from Andrew's wife. Sunday at 10:30 on HBO.

Mourning an a great Internet comedian

For those of you who don't know, I am a fan of abridging on YouTube. In this sense, abridging applies strictly to anime shows and condensing them down to less than ten minutes, redubbing, putting in your own lines for comedic purposes, and possibly doing some comedic editing. The abridging community suffered it first fatality when Andrew Paone, otherwise known as Raym's Creator, the creator of Yu-Gi-Oh GX Abridged, drowned while scuba diving with his father off the Pacific coast of British Columbia. He was only 16. Raym's was a hilarious up-and-coming comedian who wasn't afraid of showcasing his skills in making fun of his favorite anime, and he did a damn good job of it. Cassius614, take this audience to the best of Andrew's work. RIP, Andrew.

TiVo Guide Week of August 3, 2009 *spoiler alert*

“Nurse Jackie” When one of Jackie's patients returns with more severe symptoms, Zoey second-guesses Jackie's initial treatment; Jackie's continued drug use begins to have a physical impact on her health, and she's disappointed that Dr. O'Hara has betrayed a confidence. Later, an impatient Jackie oversteps her bounds and signs off on an organ-donation certificate for an accident victim who's been rendered brain-dead. Monday at 10:30 on Showtime.

“The Cleaner” William attempts to help a surgeon who is abusing drugs and the doctor's girlfriend, a nurse, who is desperate to marry him so her son will have a father. Tuesday at 10 on A&E.

“Wipeout” "Wipeout" fan favorites take on such obstacles as Bucking Bull, Trampoline Hurtles and Spiked Fenders. Returning contestants include Ariel Tweto, Jesse Duran, Keith Biondi and Stu Yasutake. Wednesday at 8 on ABC.

“Royal Pains” A girl falls from a horse at an equestrian show and develops strange symptoms that lead Hank to suspect her father is hiding something. Elsewhere, Divya considers telling her dad the truth about her job, and Hank meets Jill's ex-husband. Thursday at 10 on USA.

“Monk” In the Season 8 premiere, Monk plays bodyguard to a former child star (Elizabeth Perkins) who receives death threats after releasing a tell-all book. The job turns sour for Monk, however, after he learns she's unlike the character she played on TV. Friday at 9 on USA.

“Handy Manny” Manny is Mr. Diller's 100th customer and gets to choose any item in the store as a prize; the tools try to assemble a play set at the community center. Saturday at 8:30 on Disney.

“Roast of Joan Rivers” Kathy Griffin hosts this salute to Joan Rivers. Roasters include Carl Reiner, Lily Tomlin, Greg Giraldo, Jeffrey Ross, Mario Cantone, Robin Quivers, Gilbert Gottfried, Richard Belzer, Brad Garrett and Whitney Cummings. Taped in July 2009. Sunday at 10 on Comedy Central.