TiVo Guide Week of September 28, 2009 *spoiler alert*

“How I Met Your Mother” Ted goes on a blind date and realizes he went out with the woman before on an arranged date seven years earlier; and Barney takes Marshall on a guys' night out. Monday at 8 on CBS.

“Heroes” Peter deals with repercussions from his heroic acts and meets a new woman with abilities (Deanne Bray); Claire deals with the unveiling of her secret; Samuel goes to great lengths to retrieve memories of his brother; and Matt battles inner demons as Sylar reappears. Monday at 8 on NBC.

“Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman” Ruff is set to attend the annual Animal Reality Game Show Host and Aquatic Bird Performer Organization convention. Because penguins will be there, and he has trouble relating to them, he sends Isaac to the New England Aquarium to learn about them. He also has Brian, Bethany, and Liza learn the art of improvisation. Tuesday at 5:30 on PBS.

“The City” Whitney celebrates being single and tries to focus on work. Tuesday at 10:30 on MTV.

“The Middle” In the premiere of this slapstick sitcom about a working-class family in the U.S. heartland, frazzled mom Frankie (Patricia Heaton) tries to improve her sales---from zero---at the car dealership while making repeated trips to school for her youngest son, Brick, whose unusual behavior makes him an outcast among his peers. Wednesday at 8:30 on ABC.

“CSI: NY” A killer targets health-care workers. The case turns personal for Mac when the suspect mentions the name of Mac's father, who died nearly 20 years earlier. Wednesday at 10 on CBS.

“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” With a shantytown taking shape outside, Mac and Dennis try to keep Paddy's going in tough times. Meanwhile, Frank and Dee start a family business. Thursday at 10 on FX.

“Private Practice” Season 3 opener: Addison and Naomi struggle in the ER to save Violet, whose baby is still missing, as is her attacker (Amanda Foreman). Meanwhile, flashbacks recall Pete and Violet's first meeting, which took place following the death of his wife. Thursday at 10:01 on ABC.

“Ghost Whisperer” A chain e-mail with a malevolent force threatens the residents of Grandview. Friday at 8 on CBS.

“Smallville” John Corben is mysteriously transformed into a man-machine with superhuman strength after being hit by a truck. He uses his new powers to hunt down the Red-Blue Blur and in the process kidnaps Lois, who is investigating the Blur on her own. Friday at 8 on The CW.

“America’s Most Wanted” Crimes spotlighted include marijuana distribution. Saturday at 9 on Fox.

“Saturday Night Live” Ryan Reynolds is the host. Lady Gaga is the music guest. Saturday at 11:29 on NBC.

“Next Iron Chef” Season 2 opens as 10 renowned chefs arrive in Los Angeles and begin their quest to be named the next Iron Chef. They're greeted by host Alton Brown, who presents them with their first two challenges that will test their memory and fearlessness in the kitchen. Donatella Arpaia, Anya Fernald and Jeffrey Steingarten are judges. Sunday at 9 on Food.

“Entourage” In the sixth-season finale, Vince reluctantly answers a charity call from Matt Damon and LeBron James. Meanwhile, Ari tries to sell his business deal with Terrance to his wife; Drama considers a drastic career change; and Eric plans a rendezvous with Sloan. Sunday at 10:30 on HBO.

I'm feeling bored today

Let's see, what to do, what to do? I've got it! How about a video tribute to my favorite Hollywood BFFs, Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston? And that video will be to "My Best Friend" by Queen? That should be well-liked. P.S., if you haven't seen CeCe on "Cougar Town," you are missing out.

TiVo Guide Week of September 21, 2009 *spoiler alert*

“Dancing With the Stars” The ninth-season opener begins with 16 celebrities, the show's largest cast ever. Competitors include Donny Osmond, Melissa Joan Hart, Michael Irvin and Chuck Liddell. On the first night of competition, the male celebrities perform. Monday at 8 on ABC.

“One Tree Hill” Haley and Mia team up to try to save Red Bedroom Records, while Clay goes to bat for Nathan, who's in the midst of a scandal. Elsewhere, Brooke and Julian move in together, and Dan introduces his new wife to his family. Monday at 8 on The CW.

“NCIS: Los Angeles” In the opener of the "NCIS" spin-off following the undercover agents of the NCIS Office of Special Projects, working from a Spanish mission headquarters in Los Angeles, agent G. Callen (Chris O'Donnell) returns to work four months after being shot and joins the team on a kidnapping case. Sam Hanna: LL Cool J. Henrietta Lange: Linda Hunt. Tuesday at 9 on CBS.

“Epitafios” In the second-season premiere, a traumatized psychiatric patient mysteriously provides silent clues when Renzo (Julio Chávez) and Marina (Cecilia Roth) reunite to investigate a gruesome homicide that eerily resembles a decades-old murder. Lagos: Juan Minujín. Tuesday at 11 on HBO2.

“Modern Family” In the premiere of this mockumentary-style sitcom chronicling the unusual kinship of the extended Pritchett clan, patriarch Jay (Ed O'Neill) adjusts to his preteen stepson's views on romance, while his adult son, Mitchell, searches for a way to tell his relatives about his adopted baby from Vietnam with his partner, Cameron. Wednesday at 9 on ABC.

“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” In the 11th-season opener, Off. Nate Kendall (Wentworth Miller) helps a rape victim, then reluctantly assists Benson and Stabler in the search for a serial rapist after Executive ADA Sonya Paxton (Christine Lahti) links the crime to other cases. Wednesday at 9 on NBC.

“Community” Jeff tries to become Britta's Spanish partner, but his scheming backfires. Elsewhere, Shirley and Anna pitch in with Britta's social-justice case. Thursday at 9:31 on NBC.

“The Mentalist” In the second-season opener, the Red John case is taken away from the team and given to another CBI team, led by Sam Bosco (Terry Kinney). Thursday at 10:01 on CBS.

“Dollhouse” The Season 2 opener begins with Echo engaged in a mission for Ballard: marrying a British businessman (Jamie Bamber) linked to one of the former FBI agent's open cases. Saunders, meanwhile, deals with the unique circumstances of her origin by aiming her wrath at Topher. Friday at 9 on Fox.

“Rescue Ink Unleashed” The tattooed tough guys of Rescue Ink, an animal-rescue group, confront a man accused of shooting stray cats with a pellet gun in the opener of this reality series, which follows the unlikely animal heroes. Later the crew tries to catch wild hens in Queens, N.Y. Friday at 10 on National Geographic.

“iCarly” Carly and her friends host a speed-dating session for boys who want to escort Carly to a dance. Elsewhere, Spencer adheres to a wacky workout regime that he found on one of his cell-phone applications. Saturday at 8 on Nickelodeon.

“Children of the Corn” A couple (David Anders, Kandyse McClure) try to save their marriage with a road trip, which gets derailed when they find a strange rural town ruled by fanatically religious children. Based on the Stephen King short story. Saturday at 9 on Syfy.

“Dexter” Season 4 begins with Dexter a full-fledged family man with a wife, two stepchildren, a new baby and the same hankering to dole out justice to murderers who remain free. Special Agent Frank Lundy seeks his help with a homicidal maniac who's been dubbed the Trinity Killer because he kills in threes. Sunday at 9 on Showtime.

“Brothers & Sisters” In the fourth-season premiere, Nora and Holly become reluctant partners in planning an engagement party for Rebecca and Justin. Meanwhile, Sarah takes a business trip to France, and Kitty ponders divulging disturbing news in already turbulent times. Sunday at 10:01 on ABC.

SpongeTube is pure win

My friend RustyDoe from YouTube is a master of editing. Need proof? Check out this video he made of "SpongeBob SquarePants" clips combined with the best of YouTube. You will laugh. You will cry. From laughter.

TiVo Guide Week of September 14, 2009 *spoiler alert*

“Inside the Actors Studio” James Lipton interviews the creative team behind the Emmy-winning animated TV laugher "Family Guy." Included: creator and executive producer Seth MacFarlane (voice of Peter, Stewie, Brian and Quagmire); Alex Borstein (voice of Lois); Mike Henry (Cleveland); and Seth Green (Chris). Monday at 8 on Bravo.

“Jay Leno Show” Jerry Seinfeld is Leno's first guest in the premiere of this comedic entertainment show. Jay-Z, Kanye West and Rihanna perform. Also: "Headlines." Monday at 10 on NBC.

“Biggest Loser” Sixteen contestants begin their weight-loss journeys in the premiere of Season 8, which is themed "second chances." Dr. Huizenga provides a health assessment for the players, including a military wife, a firefighter and the heaviest contestant in the show's history. Tuesday at 8 on NBC.

“Melrose Place” Ella learns that her job is in jeopardy unless she lands a huge client, so she sets her sights on a major actor (Ben Milliken); Lauren agrees to go on another date in exchange for money; and surveillance footage reveals that seemingly innocent Violet may be hiding something. Tuesday at 9 on The CW.

“America’s Got Talent” The winning act is revealed in the Season 4 finale. The victor scores $1 million. Also: "Britain's Got Talent" phenom Susan Boyle performs. Wednesday at 8 on NBC.

“Glee” Will forms an all-male a cappella group, but when he neglects the glee club, the kids decide to hire a well-known choreographer to coach them. Meanwhile, Mercedes falls in love. Josh Groban appears as himself. Wednesday at 9 on Fox.

“VH1 Divas” Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Miley Cyrus, Jennifer Hudson, Leona Lewis and Jordin Sparks headline the VH1 Save the Music Foundation fund-raiser at the BAM Howard Gilman Opera House in Brooklyn. Also slated to perform: Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, Cyndi Lauper and Martina McBride. Presenters include Toni Braxton, Lauren Conrad, Kathy Griffin, Ryan Kwanten, Whitney Port and the cast of the movie "Fame." Paula Abdul hosts. Thursday at 9 on VH1.

“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” Season 5 premiere: Frank, Mac and Dennis try their hand at real estate; Dee arranges to be a surrogate mother for a rich couple; Charlie squares off with a lawyer over the intricacies of the judicial system. Thursday at 10 on FX.

“Guiding Light” The residents of Springfield bid adieu in the finale of the long-running soap opera that captured the daily travails of the Bauers, Coopers, Lewises and Spauldings. The soap began on radio in 1937 and jumped to TV on June 30, 1952. Friday at 3 on CBS.

“Dog Whisperer” Velvet Revolver drummer Matt Sorum hopes the host can help socialize his 10-month-old French bulldog, Miles, who goes crazy around other dogs. Also: Cesar tries to rehabilitate a pit bull named Maxie, who worked with sick children as a therapy dog until she got kicked out of the program for killing another pup. Friday at 9 on National Geographic.

“True Jackson, VP” A committee chairman dismisses Mad Style from participating in Fashion Week, but True doesn't let that stop her from presenting the dress she created for a special Young Designers Showcase. Saturday at 8:30 on Nickelodeon.

“Househusbands of Hollywood” Darryl and Tempestt clash when he deals with her problem cat. Meanwhile, Grant worries that Jillian's large collection of animals might endanger their daughter's health. Saturday at 9 on Fox Reality.

“61st Primetime Emmy Awards” Neil Patrick Harris hosts the 61st annual celebration from the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles. "30 Rock" leads all shows with 22 nominations, followed by "Mad Men" with 16 nods. Sunday at 8 on CBS.

“Curb Your Enthusiasm” In the seventh-season premiere, Larry considers his future with Loretta while awaiting an update from her doctor, and also comes to regret the offer of a favor to Marty Funkhouser. Bam Bam: Catherine O'Hara. Sunday at 9 on HBO.

Breaking Point results

Yes! Yes! I did it again. Last night at Breaking Point, I accumilated a record of 4-3. That means now, my record has been bumped up to 218-187. Albeit, it happened in controversial fashion, but hey, at least Kanye West isn't raining on my parade. Big ups to CM Punk, Christian, Kofi Kingston, and Kane for getting the W's. Big thumbs down to Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels & Triple H, and Mark Henry & Montel Vontavious Porter for the L's. Oh well, it was a successful night.

Breaking Point card & picks

WWE Championship Match:
Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena
I-Quit Match

World Championship Match:
CM Punk (c) vs. The Undertaker
Submission Match

D-Generation X vs. Legacy (Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase)
Submissions Count Anywhere

ECW Championship Match:
Christian (c) vs. William Regal (with Ezekial Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov)

Unifed Tag Team Championship Match:
Chris Jericho and The Big Show (c) vs. MVP and Mark Henry

United States Championship Match:
Kofi Kingston (c) vs. The Miz

The Great Khali vs. Kane
Singapore Cane match

I think it's understandable that with this new pay-per-view concept of all the main events are submission matches, that I am a tad nervous of whether or not my picks will succeed. But I have to go into this no matter what. As of now, my record is 214-184. Let's bump that up. I've got Randy Orton, CM Punk, Shawn Michaels & Triple H, Christian, Mark Henry & Montel Vontavious Porter, Kofi Kingston, and Kane lined up as my winners. Wish me luck for tonight.

It's the return of the assman!

Look finally showed up on YouTube once more. Theassman (or as he is known now as, xassmanx). So I thought this should call for a very special celebration. There's his Ashley Tisdale video. And there is also by personal favorite, the Nelly Furtado video. Sorry, Victor, but what can I say? One, she's hot, and two, I provided some of the pictures for that video. Enjoy these moments again, ladies and gentlemen (and hope assman doesn't get suspended again).

TiVo Guide Week of September 7, 2009 *spoiler alert*

“Greek” ZBZ hosts a father-daughter weekend, and tensions run high at the house when the secret about whom Rebecca kissed is revealed. Meanwhile, Rusty tries to use sports to impress Jordan's dad, and Dale and Cappie explore different religions. Brian Howard: Kadeem Hardison. Sen. Ken Logan: Thomas Calabro. Jack: Tom Amandes. Russell Cartwright Sr.: Jerry Lambert. Monday at 9 on ABC Family.

“Hoarders” A 21-year-old man who hoards garbage in a two-bedroom town house he shares with his father; and a woman who has over 75 living and dead cats in her home, which is full of cat feces and urine-soaked furniture and carpets. Monday at 10 on A&E.

“90210” In the Season 2 opener, Annie, still upset about her accident, distances herself from Naomi, Silver and Adrianna, who have grown closer while attending summer school. Meanwhile, Dixon works on his relationship with Silver, and Navid plans a romantic night with Adrianna. At the beach club, a pro tennis player (Trevor Donovan) makes an impression on the girls. Tuesday at 8 on The CW.

“Sons of Anarchy” As Season 2 opens, SAMCRO must deal with internal repercussions from the murder of Opie's wife. Meanwhile, a surprisingly sophisticated white supremacist named Ethan Zobelle (Adam Arkin) arrives in Charming to open a tobacco shop. Both Zobelle and his less-sophisticated associate (Henry Rollins) are determined to take down SAMCRO because of its dealings with black and Latino bikers. Stahl: Ally Walker. Darby: Mitch Pileggi. Tuesday at 10 on FX.

“America’s Next Top Model” The 13th edition of the series begins with 32 would-be models---all standing 5-foot-7 or under, a first for the competition. The number is quickly reduced to 14, with the remaining contestants receiving makeovers and moving into a plush Los Angeles home. The first photo shoot involves putting a twist on baby pictures. Chanel Iman appears as a guest judge. Wednesday at 8 on The CW.

“Families Stand Together: Feeling Secure in Tough Times” Al Roker, Deborah Roberts and Elmo cohost this special that provides strategies and tips for families with children ages 2 to 8 who are facing economic hardships. It features documentary segments on the challenges facing real-life and Muppet families, and advice on helping children adjust to their new circumstances. Wednesday at 8 on PBS.

“Supernatural” The fifth season begins with Lucifer (Mark Pellegrino) being set free from hell and appearing on Earth, and Sam and Dean learning that Castiel was killed by the archangels. Thursday at 9 on The CW.

“Real Housewives of Atlanta” A determined Lisa anticipates the premiere of her clothing line, but deadline stresses put her on pins and needles. Conversely, the debut of Sheree's own fashion line is put on hold yet again. Meanwhile, NeNe delivers tough love to her college-dropout son; and Kandi helps Kim and NeNe record a song. Thursday at 10 on Bravo.

“Say Yes to the Dress” In the Season 4 opener, a former beauty queen searches for a traditional wedding gown. Also: a bride-to-be visits the shop with an undermining entourage. Friday at 9 on TLC.

“Monk” A defense attorney (Jay Mohr) questions Monk's unusual investigative methods in a big murder case. Friday at 9 on USA.

“America’s Most Wanted” The 23rd season opens with a report on the search for a Texas babysitter wanted for the murder of a 2-year-old girl in her care. Also: a case from 1990, recalled by the victim. Jennifer Schuett of Lobing, Texas, age 8, was kidnapped and sexually assaulted by an assailant who slashed her throat and left her for dead. Schuett joins host John Walsh in reviewing the case. Saturday at 9 on Fox.

“Citizen Jane” A woman (Ally Sheedy) investigates her aunt's unsolved murder with help from a detective (Meat Loaf Aday). When the evidence begins to suggest the niece's boyfriend (Sean Patrick Flanery) is the culprit, she becomes more determined in her quest, even as it puts her life in danger. Based on a true story. Nia Peeples also stars. Directed by Armand Mastroianni. Saturday at 9 on Hallmark.

“True Blood” In the second-season finale, chaos still reigns in Bon Temps as Maryann drafts Sookie to play an important role in her grand ceremony of sacrifice. Meanwhile, Sophie-Anne has strict instructions for Eric about Bill; Hoyt is tested by his mother's behavior; and Sam's next move is a matter of life or death. Sunday at 9 on HBO.

“2009 MTV Video Music Awards” Russell Brand returns to host the 26th annual bash at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. Beyoncé and Lady Gaga lead the nominee pack with nine nods each, followed by Britney Spears with seven. Scheduled performers include Jay-Z; Taylor Swift; Pink; Green Day; and Muse. The Moonmen will be handed out by Nelly Furtado; Leighton Meester; Miranda Cosgrove; Katy Perry; Ne-Yo; and Chace Crawford. Sunday at 9 on MTV.

"2009 MTV Video Music Awards" Russell Brand returns to host the 26th annual bash at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. Beyoncé and Lady Gaga lead the pack with nine nominations each, followed by Britney Spears with seven. Janet Jackson is slated to take the stage to perform a tribute to her brother Michael. Other scheduled performers include Jay-Z; Taylor Swift; Pink; Green Day; and Muse. The Moonmen will be handed out by Nelly Furtado; Leighton Meester; Miranda Cosgrove; Katy Perry; Ne-Yo; and Chace Crawford. Sunday at 9 on VH1.

New school tomorrow

So long, Schoolcraft. Hello, Oakland. I'll start attending Oakland University tomorrow on a journalism major. Yeah, I know, it's a risky major, but with no risk comes no reward, right? Anyways, I'll start dorm life in the winter semister, but as of tomorrow, I'm Oakland University Golden Grizzly. Go Gold! Go Black!