313's Heores and Goats

From the Celtics vs. Pistons game

The Hero: Paul Pierce. He picked up the slack for foul-plagued Kevin Garnett and led the Celtics with 27 points and eight rebounds. And, apparently, he hid Tayshaun Price's offense in a place no one can find.
The Goat: Rasheed Wallace. That wasn't basketball nor entertainment, 'Sheed. That was just bad. His output in the biggest game of the year: four points, 10 missed shots, 0-for-6 on threes, five fouls and three turnovers.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Red Wings vs. Penguins game

The Hero: Sidney Crosby. The Kid finally got the Penguins on the board late in the first period and added another early in the second.
The Goat: Brad Stuart. His loose pass up the middle gave the Pens the puck and the first score, which has been all-important in the playoffs.

From the Pistons vs. Celtics game

The Hero: Ray Allen. Boston's gunner finally remembered how to shoot, canning five threes and two clutch free throws.
The Goat: Antonio McDyess. He followed his Game 4 stardom with a four-point, six-foul clunker in Boston.

WILF Wednesday Week 10

Hello, world. Coming to you live from Livonia, Michigan, it is I, Tom Barry, aka 313. And I want to greet you all by saying welcome to the tenth week of WILF Wednesday. This calls for balloons, streamers, and confetti! Anyways, where would this segment be without the man behind the videos, theassman345xxxo? Thanks, assman. Now, if there were ever a woman who was made to be a WILF, it would be this sexy lady. Of course, when you're a mixture of Irish, German, Mexican, and Cherokee heritages, you're certainly going to have an exotic look that will turn heads. Hence, why this lovely woman became a protege of Prince. And, well, maybe I'll just skip her whole music career. It wouldn't be long, though, until she would start posing for the magazine that has given us so many WILFs over the years, Playboy. This only furthered things, as she began starring on "Baywatch" and hosted the MTV series "Singled Out." And just when things couldn't get any bigger for this hottie, she started landing roles in major motion pictures. Remember her three-way kiss with Amy Smart and Owen Wilson in "Starsky and Hutch?" I do. She's also appeared in numerous movie parodies, notably those recent reference one that, aside from the original "Scary Movie," really sucked. But when you do great commercials for Taco Bell and Ritz Cameras, and founding a naked women's wrestling league, you'll more than make up for whatever clunkers go to the theatres. And let's face facts. She has breasts so big, that giving it to her between those mounds her is probably required. And that ass. It's so delicious, I wouldn't be surprised if she loves it back there. Sure, she may be unfairly roasted in the press, a la Britney Spears, but we still love her. She's hot. She's exotic. She's the defination of a WILF. She's Carmen Electra.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Celtics vs. Pistons game

The Hero: Antonio McDyess. 'Dyess was everything for the Pistons in Game 4, leading them in points (21), rebounds (16) and hustle plays (innumerable). He set the tone early and didn't let up.
The Goat: Ray Allen. Boston's struggling sharpshooter netted just two baskets and missed a pair of late free throws that all but sealed the Celts' loss. His defensive efforts didn't seem to bother Richard Hamilton (8-for-10 shooting), either.

From the Penguins vs. Red Wings game

The Hero: Chris Osgood. Mr. Zero! After his second straight shutout, Ozzie's just one away from tying the Stanley Cup finals record.
The Goat: Gary Roberts. What senior leadership? His cheap shot on Johan Franzen led the young Penguins to their frustrated finish.

TiVo Guide Week of May 26, 2008 *spoiler alert*

"The Bachelorette" The 15 Week 1 survivors arrive at DeAnna's villa to learn that Jeremy, Jesse and Richard, the three who received "first-impression" roses, get to live there for a week. Then DeAnna and Graham go to a beach for sun, surf and serious talk. As for the other 14, DeAnna takes half to Hollywood's Magic Castle and the rest to Dodger Stadium for baseball swatting, national-anthem mangling and tips on love from Tommy Lasorda. Later, there's a push-up contest, and at the rose ceremony, three must go. Monday at 9 on ABC.

"The Andromeda Strain" Part 1 of 2. An adaptation of Michael Crichton's novel about an alien microorganism that threatens life on Earth begins with the arrival of the life-form when a satellite crashes in a small Utah town and nearly all the residents die. Benjamin Bratt, Andre Braugher and Eric McCormack star. Dr. Angela Noyce: Christa Miller. Maj. Bill Keene: Ricky Schroder. Dr. Tsi Chou: Daniel Dae Kim. Dr. Charlene Barton: Viola Davis. Monday at 9 on A&E.

"Wildfire" In the series finale, Junior's schedule goes haywire when an urgent matter in Alaska that requires his attention coincides with Kris' ride on Wildfire in the Tucker Stakes---and their wedding. Monday at 9 on ABC Family.

"According to Jim" In the seventh-season finale, Jim gets a visit from the Devil (James Lipton), who intends to collect on a promise Jim made years before in order to make Cheryl fall in love with him. Tuesday at 8:30 on ABC.

"Maxim Hot 100 2008" A look at Maxim magazine's 100 hottest women of the year. Tuesday at 9 on VH1.

"Maxim Hot 100 2008" A look at Maxim magazine's 100 hottest women of the year. Wednesday at 8 on VH1.

"Men in Trees" As Marin faces a book deadline, Jack saddles her with four unruly puppies that Julia (Kelli Williams) had foisted on him. Meanwhile, Annie, who's trying with mixed success to promote a talent show, is disturbed by a sweaty dream involving Ivan (Diego Klattenhoff). But in New York, Patrick isn't dreaming---self-help author Pilar (Sofia Vergara) really is coming on to him. Wednesday at 10 on ABC.

"Top Chef" The "steaks" are high when the gastronomes must clean and butcher meat, with chef and guest judge Rick Tramonto overseeing their culinary work. Wednesday at 10 on Bravo.

"Real World" Greg plays another prank, and Will and Dave are furious; the roommates visit Joey in rehab. Wednesday at 10 on MTV.

"Last Comic Standing" The search for jokesters continues, as Angela Kinsey and Oscar Nuñez, both from "The Office," go scouting for comedians in Los Angeles. Also: Neil Flynn and Alfonso Ribeiro recruit funny folks in Houston. Thursday at 8:30 on NBC.

"Lost" As the fourth season comes to a close, the face-off continues between the survivors and the freighter people, and the Oceanic 6 find themselves ever closer to rescue. Walt: Malcolm David Kelley. Michael's Mom: Starletta DuPois. Richard Alpert: Nestor Carbonell. Christian Shephard: John Terry. Penny: Sonya Walger. Charles Widmore: Alan Dale. Dr. Marvin Candle: Francois Chau. Thursday at 9 on ABC.

"Playing to Win: Inside the Video Game Industry" The video-game industry is examined. Included: the technology behind top-selling games; the ingredients that make companies successful; the controversy about the content of some video games. Thursday at 10 on CNBC.

"Maxim Hot 100 2008" A look at Maxim magazine's 100 hottest women of the year. Friday at 10 on VH1.

"Cory in the House" Cory invests some money in a salon and learns Newt has a talent for braiding hair; Sophie and Tanisha attend a birthday party but aren't dressed appropriately for the occasion. Saturday at 8 on Disney.

"EliteXC Saturday Night Fights:Slice-Thompson (heavyweights)" Scheduled: Kimbo Slice takes on James "Colossus" Thompson in a heavyweight bout in Newark, N.J. Also: Robbie Lawler vs. Scott Smith in a middleweight fight; and Gina Carano vs. Kaitlin Young in women's action. Saturday at 9 on CBS.

"Million Dollar Password" Two celebrity-contestant teams compete in a word-association game, with the winning pair given the opportunity to play for a $1 million grand prize. The series opener features Rachael Ray and Neil Patrick Harris. Regis Philbin hosts. Sunday at 8 on CBS.

"2008 MTV Movie Awards" Mike Myers hosts the 17th annual party. "Superbad" leads the field with five nominations; "Juno" follows with four; and "Enchanted," "Transformers," "Knocked Up" and "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" snared three nominations each. Viewers can compete for "Best Movie Spoof," a user-generated category for film-short parodies. Sunday at 8 on MTV.

"Next Food Network Star" In the Season 4 opener, 10 aspiring TV cooks face their first on-camera challenge from Alton Brown. Then, they team up to prepare a meal for Food Network stars. Appearing: Masaharu Morimoto; Giada De Laurentiis; Sandra Lee; Pat Neely. Sunday at 10 on Food.

"2008 MTV Movie Awards" Mike Myers hosts the 17th annual party. "Superbad" leads the field with five nominations; "Juno" follows with four; and "Enchanted," "Transformers," "Knocked Up" and "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" snared three nominations each. Viewers can compete for "Best Movie Spoof," a user-generated category for film-short parodies. Sunday at 10 on MTV.

313's Heroes and Goats

From The 92nd Indianapolis 500 Telecast Presented by GoDaddy.com

The Heroes: Kiwi Scott Dixon (Target Chip Ganassi Racing). He drove a perfect race to win Sunday's Indianapolis 500 and make up for the bitter disappointment of losing the IndyCar Series championship in 2007.
Vitor Meira (Panther Racing). He drove a stirring race to finish second in the 500 but is still searching for his first IndyCar Series victory.
The Goats: Graham Rahal (Newman/Haas/Lanigan Racing). The rookie ran high and smacked the wall in Turn 4, bringing his race to an end on Lap 37.
Ryan Briscoe (Team Penske). He collected Danica Patrick (Andretti Green Racing) in pit lane and ended the race for both drivers.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Celtics vs. Pistons game

The Hero: Kevin Garnett. The Big Ticket led the Celtics in points (22) and rebounds (13). I hear that he wants to win a title.
The Goats: Pick one. There was no shortage of duds from the home side, but the biggest offenders were Tayshaun Prince, and Chauncey Billups, who combined to shoot 3-for-17 and score 10 points.

From the Penguins vs. Red Wings game

The Hero: Chris Osgood. Ozzie was solid again - especially in the first period - for his second shutout and lowered his goals-against to 1.48.
The Goat: Marc-Andre Fleury. The kid goalie faced more shots and looked a little shaky on a couple of goals - especially those first two by Mikael Samuelsson.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Pistons vs. Celtics game

The Hero: Chauncey Billups. Mr. Big Shot looked healthy. He scored 19 and that lay-up with 18 seconds left off the inbounds might have been The Dagg-ah in Beantown.
The Goat: Boston bench. The Celtics need more than eight points from the reserves. Only three points in the first half? Paging Bill Walton!

WILF Wednesday Week 9

Welcome back to WILF Wednesday, homies. As always, thanks to theassman345xxxo for these videos. This guy has excellent taste in women. And as a precaution, this video is not pornographic, but still, viewer discretion is advised (man, I hate saying that). Anyways, this week's WILF is a recent MILF. This Mexican firecracker has been regarded as one of the sexiest women in the world for years now. And as if we don't have enough things to thank Robert Rodriguez for, he's the man responsible for bringing this muy calente chica to American cinema. On behalf of men everywhere, thanks, Rob. And this hottie has such a great field of roles she can play, as well. She can do comedies and blockbusters ("Wild Wild West") and she can do dramas and Oscar-nominated performances ("Frida"). Plus, she can put a television show together. Of course that show is the multiple award winning "Ugly Betty". And let's face it, she's got a great sense of humor. After being filmed taking off a blouse and exposing her bra and funbags to the world on the street by the stalkerazzi, she recreated the moment on film in an elevator in cameo appearance of her show. But let's face facts, boys. This woman has breasts that just look like they're itching to get free. On top of that, she has an ass that I'm sure Penelope Cruz gets to lick nightly, and who can blame her? She's sexy. She's spicy. She's diverse. She's a Daytime Emmy award winner. She's Salma Hayek.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Pistons vs. Celtics game

The Hero: Kevin Garnett. The Celtics' Big Ticket knocked down jump shot after jump shot en route to a game-high 26 points. About the only thing the Pistons did well against KG was keep him off the offensive glass.
The Goat: Rasheed Wallace. With Chauncey Billups not fully effective, the Pistons needed much more than three baskets from 'Sheed. And it wasn't just his offense that lagged. Richard Hamilton outrebounded him (6-5).

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Red Wings vs. Stars game

The Hero: Dallas Drake. He scored a goal and assisted on another - by bouncing a shot off Kris Draper's face.
The Goat: Brenden Morrow. The Stars captain was a minus-3, took just one shot, and had a giveaway for Henrik Zetterberg's shorthanded goal.

TiVo Guide Week of May 19, 2008 *spoiler alert*

"Gossip Girl" In the first-season finale, Blair comes to Serena's defense and faces off with Georgina, while an emotional Serena finally comes clean to Dan about her past. Elsewhere, Lily continues planning her extravagant wedding to Bart, but thoughts of Rufus keep distracting her. Model and heiress Lydia Hearst guest stars as Lily's interior decorator. Monday at 8 on The CW.

"Bones" In the third-season finale, the arrival of a human jawbone at the Jeffersonian looks like the work of the Gormogon, while the disappearance of the silver skeleton from the lab suggests one of their own may be working as the serial killer's apprentice. Monday at 8 on Fox.

"House" In the conclusion of the two-part fourth-season finale, House remains held back by his bus-accident injuries as he struggles to recall the symptoms he noticed in a rapidly deteriorating fellow passenger just before the crash. House's cloudy memories from the accident also threaten his friendship with Wilson. Bartender: Fred Durst. Monday at 9 on Fox.

"NCIS" In the fifth-season finale, the agents are all at risk as they search for a killer who took the life of one of their own. Sasha Gordon: Betsy Rue. Viggo Drantyev: Oleg Taktarov. Leon Vance: Rocky Carroll. Natasha Lenkov: Kathleen Gati. George: Terrence Hardy. Debra Green: Sheila E. Frazier. Tuesday at 8 on CBS.

"Reaper" In the first-season finale, the demons fear that Sam threatens their rebellion, so they set a trap for him. Meanwhile, Sock finds himself falling for a female demon (Cindy Sampson). Tuesday at 9 on The CW.

"Shark" In the series finale, Sebastian's nemesis, convicted murderer Wayne Callison (Billy Campbell), escapes from prison and threatens to take revenge on Sebastian by harming Julie. Tuesday at 10 on CBS.

"CSI: NY" In the fourth-season finale, a bank robbery goes wrong and a manager is gunned down. The botched attempt and shooting prompt a nervous gunman to take hostages and to demand that a CSI be brought in to prove he is innocent. Wednesday at 10 on CBS.

"Law & Order" Season 18 ends with the murder of a jeweler. The investigation leads detectives to a prostitution ring run by the victim's brother-in-law. The resulting trial proves to be a challenge for McCoy, whose career is threatened because of the probe. Tom Everett Scott guest stars. Wednesday at 10 on NBC.

"Real World" Greg causes trouble when he invites promiscuous women to the house. Meanwhile, Sarah gets irate when someone steals her panties, Will woos Greg's girlfriend for revenge, and Sarah's boyfriend Ryan visits. Wednesday at 10 on MTV.

"Ugly Betty" In the second-season finale, Betty weighs the pros and cons of a sudden romantic dilemma. Meanwhile, Mode faces supermodel Naomi Campbell and the staff of Elle magazine in a charity softball game, Hilda hears surprising information about Coach Diaz, and a young French boy makes a claim that shocks the Meade empire. Kimberly: Lindsay Lohan. Thursday at 8 on ABC.

"So You Think You Can Dance" The fourth season begins with auditions. Thursday at 8 on Fox.

"Grey's Anatomy" In the fourth-season finale, the surgeons work as a team to free a boy from a hardening block of cement. Meanwhile, Meredith and Derek have one last chance at a positive outcome in their clinical trial, Izzie helps Alex care for an ailing Rebecca, and Lexie finds out crucial info about George's intern status. Thursday at 9 on ABC.

"Man vs. Wild" Conclusion. Bear faces his second week in Indonesia, sleeping in trees and navigating across waterfalls and sheer cliffs, surrounded by devastation wrought by the 2004 tsunami. Friday at 9 on Discovery.

"Final Approach" A former FBI agent (Dean Cain) aboard a hijacked plane attempts to combat the efforts of a radical separatist (Anthony Michael Hall), who's demanding the release of a captured cult leader. Meanwhile, the FBI and FAA work furiously on the ground to ensure the flight's safe return. Lea Thompson, Ernie Hudson and Sunny Mabrey also star. Saturday at 8 on Hallmark.

"Austin City Limits" Season 34 opens as R.E.M. perform selections from their acclaimed 2008 CD, "Accelerate." Saturday at 9 on PBS.

"Meerkat Manor: The Story Begins" Whoopi Goldberg narrates this tribute to Flower the meerkat, a chronicle of her development from a pup into the matriarch of the Whiskers clan, filmed over a seven-month period in the Kalahari using the modern wildlife photography technology. Sunday at 8 on Animal Plan.

"Recount" Kevin Spacey and Tom Wilkinson lead an ensemble cast in a depiction of the controversy that enveloped the 2000 U.S. presidential election and the fight in Florida between representatives of Al Gore and George W. Bush. Denis Leary, Bob Balaban, Laura Dern, Ed Begley Jr., John Hurt. Directed by Jay Roach. Screenplay by Danny Strong. Sydney Pollack is an executive producer. Sunday at 9 on HBO.

"Meerkat Manor: The Story Begins" Whoopi Goldberg narrates this tribute to Flower the meerkat, a chronicle of her development from a pup into the matriarch of the Whiskers clan, filmed over a seven-month period in the Kalahari using the modern wildlife photography technology. Sunday at 10 on Animal Plan.

"Ax Men" A recap of the first season. Sunday at 10 on History.

Judgment Day results

Look who is officially back on track! That would be me. Judgment Day was a rousing success, with me posting a 4-2 record last night. That jumps my all time record to 147-119. Pretty good, eh? Gotta say thank you to Shawn Michaels, John Cena, Triple H, and Undertaker for securing another good show. As for CM Punk & Kane and Beth Phoenix, right now, I just want the WWE to wish them the best on their future endevors. OK, maybe not literally, but you know what I'm saying about those three. Anyways, once One Night Stand rolls around, I will be right where I was six months ago with my picks, at an all time high.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Stars vs. Red Wings game

The Hero: Marty Turco. Finally, the Dallas goalie posted the first Joe Louis Arena victory of his NHL career. It couldn't have come at a better time.
The Goat: Chris Chelios. He wasn't even on the ice when the winning goal was scored -- because his bad line change helped create the space for the play.

Judgment Day card and picks

WWE Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

JBL vs. John Cena

Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. Triple H (c)

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: CM Punk & ECW Champion Kane vs. John Morrison & The Miz (c)

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Women's Championship: Beth Phoenix vs. Melina vs. Mickie James (c)

Match for the vacated World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs. Undertaker

Alright, so I'm a little late with this one. But these are my honest-to-God picks from last night. I'm going with Shawn Michaels, John Cena, Triple H, CM Punk & Kane, Beth Phoenix, and Undertaker. I'm coming into this pay-per-view with a record of 143-117. How did I turn out? You'll see.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Red Wings vs. Stars game

The Hero: Marty Turco. He finally came up with a big game, especially in the second and third periods when he made 28 saves.
The Goats: The officials. Calling Tomas Holmstrom in the crease on Pavel Datsyuk's goal was such an obviously blown call on the game's biggest play to that point.

WILF Wednesday Week 8

Happy Wednesday, gang. And with every Wednesday, you knows what's coming. WILF Wednesday! As always, or as close to always as I have done, thanks to theassman345xxxo for making these videos and allowing me to post them here. And I should let you know that while this video is not pornographic, viewer discretion is advised (I feel like I work for one of the TV networks now). Anyways, do I have hot chick for you tonight. Much like Stacy Keibler, she's a blonde, a former Nitro Girl, and just recently a former WWE Diva. Recent as in released last weekend. And while this babe does lack Stacy's stunning legs, she has a body that is just second-to-none. She's best known to us WWE fans as being the Diva would could wear a bikini better than most of the others. Not to mention she had some good experience in the ring. When she was cut from the roster, she greatly improved her in-ring work from where it was when the WWE bought WCW in 2001. And for seven years, she was a crowd favorite. But with a knockout body like hers, can you blame us? She has breasts that scream, "Reach out and touch us!" And that ass! Do you know how badly I want to take the palm of my hand to that rump? Of course, those physical assets (no pun intended) made her the ideal cover girl for Playboy. TWICE! Seriously, Hef has the best taste in women. She's got a great beach body. She's fun. She's an ass kicker. She's Torrie Wilson.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Magic vs. Pistons game

The Hero: Antonio McDyess. 'Dyess doubled down, scoring 17 on 6-for-9 shooting and grabbing 11 boards. His hustle lifted the Pistons out of a second-half funk.
The Goat: Rashard Lewis. Magic sharpshooter wasn't very sharp, with two more turnovers (6) than field goals.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Red Wings vs. Stars game

The Hero: Pavel Datsyuk. He only had a hat trick - on four shots - and a plus-four. This one wasn't really a tough choice, was it?
The Goat: Marty Turco. Five goals on 21 shots - after giving up five-plus only twice before this season. Not the game he needed.

TiVo Guide Week of May 12, 2008 *spoiler warning*

"How I Met Your Mother" Britney Spears returns as Abby, who is now dating Barney, and the pair, realizing how much they currently dislike Ted, decide to flaunt their romance in front of him at the bar. Barney, however, goes a bit overboard and does something impulsive. Cafe Guy: Johnny Palermo. Lawrence: Todd Sherry. Walter: Steve Hasley. Monday at 8:30 on CBS.

"The Hills" Season 3 concludes. Monday at 10 on MTV.

"The Bachelor: London Calling" In the season finale, Matt proposes marriage to the recipient of his final rose. But before making that thorny decision, he takes finalists Chelsea and Shayne home to London to meet his family. The three also return to Barbados, where both give Matt gifts meant to convey their deep feelings for him, and he says that he has fallen in love with both. But he must choose just one. Monday at 10:02 on ABC.

"Dancing With the Stars" The eighth results show of the season. Included: a performance of Michael Jackson's "Thriller," featuring R&B singer Omarion and a 19-member dance troupe, and a medley of Jackson's hits; the top three youngsters do their final routines in the Kids Ballroom Dancing Competition. Tuesday at 9 on ABC.

"Deadliest Catch" As king-crab season comes to an end, the size of the crews' paychecks depends on their captain's skills; Capt. Johnathan has good luck fishing on the Time Bandit, but the same can't be said for the crew and boat; the North American rejoins the fleet. Tuesday at 9 on Discovery.

"Women's Murder Club" In the first season finale, Lindsay hunts a serial killer, putting her life and her romance on the line in the process. Martin Boxer: Gerald McRaney. Pete Raynor: Joel Gretsch. Tuesday at 10:02 on ABC.

"America's Next Top Model" As the 10th season concludes, the three remaining models shoot a cosmetics commercial and pose for a print ad. The judges then send one lady packing. The final two contestants take part in a runway challenge to determine the winner. Cycle 9 winner Saleisha Stowers appears. Wednesday at 8 on The CW.

"Deal or No Deal" The series wraps up its world tour in Johannesburg, where two players go for the million. Wednesday at 8 on NBC.

"American Idol" One of the three remaining finalists is voted off. Wednesday at 9 on Fox.

"Smallville" In the seventh-season finale, Brainiac impersonates Kara, whom he has imprisoned in the Phantom Zone, and in her guise he takes Lex to the Fortress for a showdown with Clark. Meanwhile, Chloe is arrested by the Department of Domestic Security; and Lana awakens from her comatose state. Thursday at 8 on The CW.

"ER" In the 14th-season finale, the actions of a drunken patient (Steve Buscemi) endanger everyone at County. In other events, Pratt makes a move toward becoming chief; Gates worries about his future with Sam; and Kovac has an unexpected encounter with Dr. Moretti (Stanley Tucci). Thursday at 10:01 on NBC.

"Lost" Part 1 of 3. The showdown between the survivors and the freighter people begins. Richard Alpert: Nestor Carbonell. David Reyes: Cheech Marin. Margo Shephard: Veronica Hamel. Karen Decker: Michelle Forbes. Mr. Paik: Byron Chung. Thursday at 10:02 on ABC.

"Battlestar Galactica" Guess What's Coming to Dinner Friday at 10 on Sci Fi.

"America's Most Wanted" Commemorating the 1000th capture sparked by publicity generated by "America's Most Wanted" since the program debuted in 1988. Saturday at 9 on Fox.

"Dark Beauty" A young widow (Elizabeth Berkley) involved with a millionaire is investigated by his friend, who discovers the woman has had multiple aliases---and husbands, all of whom died under mysterious circumstances. Alicia Coppola, Jeremy Howard. Saturday at 9 on Lifetime.

"Saturday Night Live" Season 33 ends with host Steve Carell and musical guest Usher. Saturday at 11:29 on NBC.

"Simpsons" In the 19th-season finale, Lisa receives Springfield's Entertainer of the Year Award, and Sideshow Mel narrates her history in showbiz in a wry spoof of "All About Eve." Drew Carey voices himself. Sunday at 8 on Fox.

"Desperate Housewives" In the fourth-season finale, Mike and Susan show off their bundle of joy; Gaby forms a strong bond with her tenant, Ellie (Justine Bateman); and Lynette is accused of child abuse. Then death threats rock Wisteria Lane; Susan faces the loss of a loved one; and Katherine's secrets are revealed. Wayne Davis: Gary Cole. Sunday at 9 on ABC.

"The Game" The second season ends with Derwin and Jerome getting into a fight over Melanie. Elsewhere, Malik tells Robin Givens he loves her and wants the two of them to commit to a relationship; and the team's new owner shows more interest in Kelly than in re-signing Jason. Sunday at 9 on The CW.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Stars vs. Red Wings game

The Hero: Chris Osgood. Again, he didn't make the most saves, but he did make some big ones in a one-goal game for his eighth straight victory.
The Goat: Mike Ribeiro. Pretty much all of the Stars were outclassed again, but Ribeiro's slash of Ozzie showed no class.

From the Pistons vs. Magic game

The Hero: Tayshaun Prince. His 17 points were second-most on the Pistons, but no hoop was bigger than his running hook with 8.9 seconds left. I should also give some love to Antonio McDyess, whose offensive rebound made it possible.
The Goat: Stan Van Gundy. Presumably, the coach was the mastermind of Orlando's laughable final play. Milking the clock while behind? Sending Hedo Turkoglu one-on-everyone into the teeth of the Pistons' defense? I owe you one, Stan.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Stars vs. Red Wings game

The Hero: Tomas Holmstrom. A goal, an assist, and he bugged Marty Turco as much as that Joe Louis Arena jinx.
The Goat: Mark Fistric. His roughing penalty gave the Wings a 5-on-3 and their first of three power-play goals.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Pistons vs. Magic game

The Hero: Rashard Lewis. Yeah, he's just a "three man," as Theo Ratliff reminds, but he was almost unstoppable with 33 points.
The Goat: Rasheed Wallace. Ugh. Shot 4-for-15 and was minus-30 in plus/minus stat.

WILF Wednesday Week 7

'Sup, everybody? It's my favorite day of the week again. It's WILF Wednesday once more. Thanks to theassman345xxxo for the video, and I really need to get better at acknowledging him. Anyways, there is little doubt in my mind that all of my loyal readers are very familiar with the hottie. If there is one thing that has propelled this girl to get a job, it's her legs and the way she moves them. It's what got her a gig as a Baltimore Ravens cheerleader. The way she moved helped her move to World Championship Wrestling, where she became one of the Nitro Girls. There, she developed the character of Miss Hancock, who if she had been on TV in the 80's, probably would have been the inspiration of "Hot for Teacher" by Van Halen. When WCW merged with World Wrestling Entertainment, she quickly became one of the hottest Divas on the roster. She may have dropped the teacher gimmick, but she was still a hot, bubbly blonde we wrestling fans wanted to get at. She had a decent wrestling career, but her WWE career was also known for managing tag teams such as the Dudley Boys, Test & Scott Steiner, and The Hurricane & Rosey. Before her WWE contract expired, she signed on to do a little show called "Dancing With the Stars". Soon, she was attracting a worldwide following. The girl had legs nicknamed The Legs of WCE and The Legs of the WWE. Now, they were also known as Weapons of Mass Seduction. She may have finished third, but she's gone on to TV shows such as "George Lopez", "October Road", and "What About Brian", as well as magazine shoots for Maxim and Stuff. She's got one of the best asses that a WWE Diva has had. But to get to it, you would need a rope, hook, and harness to scale those irrestible 42 inch legs. Me, personally, I'd like to get my mouth on every inch of those legs and that ass. She's bubbly. She's seductive. She's a grappler and dancer. She's Stacy Keibler.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Magic vs. Pistons game

The Hero: Chauncey Billups. Mr. Big Shot hit for a game-high 28 points -- at least 25 of which were undisputed. He went 10-for-10 at the line and committed just one turnover.
The Goat: Hedo Turkoglu. His off-balance three-point attempt in the final minute was puzzling, and he made six turnovers, including one after an offensive rebound with 11 seconds left.

TiVo Guide Week of May 5, 2008 *spoiler warning*

"Dancing With the Stars" An eighth week of performances includes a ballroom dance and a Latin dance for each couple. Monday at 8 on ABC.

"Gossip Girl" Georgina threatens to disclose damaging details about Serena's past, while Blair and Jenny spread rumors about one another through Gossip Girl. Elsewhere, Dan has information about Asher that Jenny ignores; and Rufus turns to Lily for parenting advice. Monday at 8 on The CW.

"Bones" The Jeffersonian team struggles to remain impartial when they're called to testify for the prosecution in the trial of Brennan's father (Ryan O'Neal), who could be sentenced to death for the murder of FBI Deputy Director Kirby. Monday at 8 on Fox.

"NCIS" Ziva's life is threatened during her search for a serial killer. Michael Locke: Steve Kazee. Det. Steve Rosetti: Nick Chinlund. PO Kevin Massey: Scott Holroyd. Andy Hoffman: Michael Hagerty. Heidi: Ella Thomas. Newscaster: Mia Lee. Tuesday at 8 on CBS.

"Hell's Kitchen" The 10 remaining chefs must please a picky teen who has come to Hell's Kitchen for her birthday party. The team that designs the menus she prefers wins a teen-themed treat while the losers must help an annoyingly peppy party planner with the preparations. Tuesday at 9:02 on Fox.

"Work Out" In the wake of the cruise, Jackie and Brianna work to keep their romance afloat. Meanwhile, problems emerge for two SkyLab clients; Jackie chats with a producer about a fitness DVD; Greg and Erika join forces for a sultry photo shoot; and tensions boil over between Jackie and Peeler. Tuesday at 10 on Bravo.

"America's Next Top Model" The four remaining models photograph Paulina Porizkova for a challenge. Their own photo shoot, directed by Nigel Barker, requires them to impersonate movie icons. Wednesday at 8 on The CW.

"American Idol" One of the four remaining finalists is voted off. Wednesday at 9 on Fox.

"Real World" Joey bottoms out and the roommates stage an intervention; Brianna returns to Philadelphia to face domestic-abuse charges. Wednesday at 10 on MTV.

"Ugly Betty" Betty tries a different tactic in her rivalry with Charlie by throwing her the mother of all baby showers. Meanwhile, Justin's poor grades in gym prompt a confrontation between Hilda and his teacher (Eddie Cibrian); Daniel is sent reeling by relationship woes; and Christina learns the identity of the father of the child she's carrying for Wilhelmina. Thursday at 8 on ABC.

"Scrubs" Seventh-season finale: Dr. Cox spins his rocky day at work into a fairy tale for his son. In the story, the Sacred Heart staff work together to try to defeat an unknown monster plaguing Elliot's patient. But their actions are impeded by the nefarious Dark Lord, aka Dr. Kelso. Thursday at 8:30 on NBC.

"ER" Neela feels the strain when her patient (Aida Turturro) requires yet another follow-up surgery; Morris meets with a shrink after his run-in with thieves; and a new opportunity means a tough decision for Abby. Thursday at 10:01 on NBC.

"TV's All-Time Funniest" A look at TV's all-time funniest characters, with comments by Brad Garrett, Valerie Harper, Rue McClanahan, Mary Tyler Moore, David Hyde Pierce, Marion Ross and Rainn Wilson. Viewers voted for the funniest in eight categories, including fathers, mothers, kids, relatives, neighbors, friends, bosses and coworkers. Friday at 8 on ABC.

"Crossroads" Maroon 5 and Sara Evans perform each other's songs and explore common musical ground. Friday at 9 on CMT.

"Celine" Christine Ghawi plays singer Celine Dion in this biography based on Barry Grills and Jim Brown's book, "Celine Dion: A New Day Dawns." Saturday at 8 on WE.

"Mom, Dad and Her" A bitter teen (Brittney Wilson) from a broken home is sent to live with her remarried father, who hopes to make amends with his daughter as he moves on with his new wife and baby. Melora Hardin and Paul McGillion also star. Saturday at 9 on Lifetime.

"Celine" Christine Ghawi plays singer Celine Dion in this biography based on Barry Grills and Jim Brown's book, "Celine Dion: A New Day Dawns." Saturday at 10 on WE.

"Survivor: Micronesia---Fans vs. Favorites" The last immunity challenge and tribal council are held. Later, the finalists are questioned by the jury members, who vote for the winner. Jeff Probst is the host. Sunday at 8 on CBS.

"Simpsons" Homer's mother, Mona (voice of Glenn Close), returns, but Homer is reluctant to trust her because she abandoned him so many times as a child. She dies before he can forgive her, but he's able to grant her last wish. Lance Armstrong has a voice cameo as himself. Sunday at 8 on Fox.

"Survivor: Micronesia---Fans vs. Favorites" The winner is announced as the 20 castaways reunite to discuss their experience. Jeff Probst is the host. Sunday at 10 on CBS.

"Brothers & Sisters" In the second-season finale, Sarah uncovers another agonizing secret that her deceased father hid from the family. Meanwhile, Kevin and Scotty take the next big step in their relationship; and Saul goes public with his new identity. Sunday at 10:02 on ABC.

313's Heores and Goats

From the Magic vs. Pistons game

The Hero: Chauncey Billups. Veteran Pistons point guard set the tone by knocking down some early shots and finished with a game-high 19 points.
The Goat: Dwight Howard. Compared to expectations, Superman sagged. The Magic's heralded center averaged 22 points and 18 rebounds in the first round, but was held to 12 and eight on Saturday.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the Pistons vs. 76ers game

The Hero: Richard Hamilton. Rip came out hot, outscoring Philly in the first quarter, 13-12, and his shot stayed true all night. He scored a game-high 24.
The Goat: Andre Miller. Clanged all but four of his 16 shots for Philly.

From the Red Wings vs. Avalanche game

The Hero: Johan Franzen. Scored another hat trick, giving him a team-record 11 goals for the playoffs after just two series.
The Goats: Theodore AND Budaj. It was a team breakdown for the injury-riddled Avs, but the goalies gave up eight goals on 40 shots.

Major announcement

I just thought I should give you all a heads up. At the insistence of Victoria, I have pulled the TiVo Guide from C-S-S-A. However, it's not dead. I have decided that beginning next week, the TiVo Guide will call this blog home. And don't worry, the descriptions for each episode will be shorter.