The 313 Second Movie Review: "The Simpsons Movie"

Welcome to Springfield! Actually, welcome to the 313 Second Movie Review! And just in case your TV IQ is so low that you have to ask, "Where's Springfield," I suggest you leave now. Today, I will be looking at "The Simpsons Movie." Now, everybody bare with me, the main cast played multiple characters, so this will take a while to type. The film stars Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson, Itchy, Barney, Grampa, Stage Manager, Krusty the Clown, Mayor Quimby, Mayor's Aide, Multi-Eyed Squirrel, Panicky Man, Sideshow Mel, Mr. Teeny, EPA Official, Kissing Cop #1, Bear, Boy on Phone, NSA Worker, Officer, Santa's Little Helper, and Squeaky-Voiced Teen; Julie Kavner as Marge Simpson; Nancy Cartwright as Bart Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Ralph, Nelson, Todd Flanders, TV Daughter, and Woman on Phone; Yeardley Smith as Lisa Simpson; Hank Azaria as Professor Frink, Comic Book Guy, Moe, Chief Wiggum, Lou, Carl, Cletus, Bumblebee Man, Male EPA Worker, Dome Depot Announcer, Kissing Cop #2, Carnival Barker, Counter Man, Apu, Drederick Tatum, Sea Captain, EPA Passenger, Robot, and Dr. Nick; Harry Shearer as Scratchy, Mr. Burns, Rev. Lovejoy, Ned Flanders, Lenny, Skull, President Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Toll Booth Man, Smithers, Guard, Otto, and Kang; Tress MacNeille as Sweet Old Lady, Colin, Mrs. Skinner, Nelson's Mother, Pig, Cat Lady, Female EPA Workers, G.P.S. Woman, Cookie Kwan, Lindsey Naegle, TV Son, Medicine Woman, and Girl on Phone; Pamela Hayden as Milhouse Van Houten and Rod Flanders; and Albert Brooks as Russ Cargill. *pant, pant* PEPSI, PLEASE! OK, that was way too long. Let's go into the plot. The whole thing really starts swinging when Grampa has an episode in church and starts speaking in tongues. Marge gets wrapped up in trying to figure out what he meant, thinking it was some sort of prophecy. Meanwhile, Lisa tries to find what has caused some much carnage to Lake Springfield. She finds out that it's all sorts of various dumping methods, and is successful in cleaning it up. However, Homer is once again oblivious to the main concerns of his family and takes in a pig that Krusty would have otherwise turned into an instant heart attack between two buns. As the pig becomes a part of the family's life, that leaves Bart feeling rejected, and he starts to turn to Ned Flanders as a father figure and starts putting it out there he wants to be adopted. Of course, who else but Homer can manage to screw things up? Grampa and Marge's investigations and Lisa's lake-cleaning efforts combine together as Homer dumps a cilo of pig droppings into the lake, turning it into an even greater environmental nightmare than before. So, EPA chief Russ Cargill drops options in front of President Arnold Schwarzenegger (how the hell did he skirt the Constitution) that could mean life or death for the people of Springfield. This is what I expected out this movie. It was more or less a 90 minutes episode, and I don't think I'd want it any other way. Anything else might turn this to some mediocre, contrived waste of screen time. Instead, they stick to their guns. They continue to mock corruption in government and business, make fun of religion, and parody society's hypocritical practices. Plus, it once again leaves us with more laughing at pointless events than before. One thing I did notice is that "The Simpsons Movie" starts out a lot differently than "The Simpsons" TV show. I'm not talking about the famous opening sequence (though that is changed, with no sax solo or couch gag, but we do get Bart writing, "I WILL NOT ILLEGALLY DOWNLOAD THIS MOVIE," on the chalkboard). Instead of the usual beginnings that fade away as the main plot unfolds, the plot begins right away with the first frame. There's not much to argue against this movie. Go on, be a sucker! See the movie! I'm a sucker, and I'm damn proud of it!

My time's up, you've been great. For the road: Carrie Underwood "Before He Cheats"