313's Heroes and Goats

From the Utah vs. Michigan game

The Hero: Brian Johnson. The senior showed little rust from last year's injuries and sliced up Michigan's secondary for 253 yards throughout the first half. That, along with his touchdown pass 13 seconds before the half, was an example of what U-M might be searching for in a QB. Though he struggled after the half, he built enough of a cushion.
The Goat: Nick Sheridan. The U-M quaterback's afternoon went about as poorly as he could imagine. Removed after one series in the second half, costly interceptions, poor exchanges and wild passes marked his apparently short tenure.

From the Michigan State vs. California game

The Hero: Jahvid Best. Cal running back Jahvid Best ran for 111 yards and a touchdown, and also gained 63 yards on five receptions. He was the man that kept the chains moving for the Bears.
The Goat: MSU's offensive line. This group is integrating some newcomers on the left side -- and some are underclassmen -- but if they can't make room for Javon Ringer to run, the Spartans will be in trouble.

WILF Wednesday Week 23

Hey, guys. It's me, Tom, and I am back and on time this week. So, welcome to WILF Wednesday. As I always should do, but sometime forget, thatnk a mil to theassman345xxxo for these vids. You're my boy, assman! Now, as for this week's lovely lady. She is just a piece of Heaven that was brought down for us Earth-bound humans to enjoy. OK, maybe not everything is perfect about her. The first time she was TV was that crappy reality dating series "Outback Jack". Sorry to remind you of that piece of crap. Well, things started getting better later in 2004. She competed in the WWE Diva Search. Though she she finished fifth, the WWE loved her so much, they kept her on as a backstage interviewer with a "blonde burnett" gimmick. My favorites by the way, were when she and William Regal had chocolate milk poured on them by Eugene after Eugene and Regal won the World Tag Team Championships (thank God she was wearing white), and her infamous "spit or swallow" interview with Carlito ("When I eat an apple?"). She started wrestling in 2005 and kept the interview job. Remember her and John Cena in the locker room, or when she testified against Eric Bischoff in the trial to determine his job? Priceless! Now, it wasn't until 2007 she became a more regulary used character in the ring when he storyline had her dating Santino Marella (why, Jesus, why?). She began to win more often, and her in-ring ability progressed vastly. In early 2008, there were signs that she and Santino's love angle was wearing thin as they started getting into disputes, including how she legitmately posed for Playboy. Still got the issue, BTW. After costing her a tag team match at WrestleMania XXIV, she uncermoniously dumped his ass while beating him in a match, thanks to some fellow Divas. She worked in many face vs. heel Diva matches thereafter. This summer, this career-long Raw Diva was drafted to SmackDown, where she is already showing she's still got the moves that made her such a fan-favorite on RAW. Well, you know what I think about her? Ummm, yes, she does have a lot of talent at her disposal. But I was thinking that with her huge headlights and lovely rear, Playboy is definitely the right magazine for her. She's hot. She's Greek. She's funny. She's a talented performer. She's Maria Kanellis.

TiVo Guide Week of August 25, 2008 *spoiler alert*

"Date My Ex: Jo & Slade" Jo ventures on a second round of dates with her wooers and pursuers. A trip to a luxurious desert resort and spa is included, but all the pampering takes a backseat to jealousy-fueled dramas revolving around Slade. Monday at 10 on Bravo.

"The Hills" Lauren starts dating Doug, an old boyfriend from Laguna Beach; Audrina is torn between Justin and new guy Colin; and Whitney meets an attractive model in New York. Monday at 10 on MTV.

"Saving Grace" Racial and political overtones revolve around the death of a young Mexican woman. Meanwhile, an unfortunate family event continues to haunt Ham. Mariette Hartley guest stars. Monday at 10 on TNT.

"Greek" The second season opens with the annual Greek Week competition, and Rusty and Calvin strive to find a neutral friendship zone despite their opposing house loyalties. Meanwhile, Casey must decide the consequences of Rebecca's wild spring-break actions, and Rebecca's continued bad behavior doesn't help matters. Tuesday at 9 on ABC Family.

"Secret Lives of Women" Women who had multiple cosmetic surgeries are profiled. Tuesday at 10 on WE.

"General Hospital: Night Shift" Patrick looks at Robin's HIV status with a new perspective after meeting a couple who are quarantined from one another. Meanwhile, jealousy causes Leo to try to keep Jagger and Saira apart; Robert suffers another setback; and Claire signs Kyle up for Internet dating---without telling him. Tuesday at 11 on SoapNet.

"Criss Angel: Mindfreak" Criss attempts to escape from an oil drum that's covered with a manhole cover and a second drum, and he tries to catch an arrow shot from a crossbow by Ted Nugent. Wednesday at 10 on A&E.

"Shear Genius" In the Season 2 finale, the final trio must cut, color and style the hair of various models ranging from ages 16 to 60. In addition, magazine editor Linda Wells appraises the contestants' portfolios and overall season performances, and celebrity stylist Sally Hershberger is on hand as the guest judge. Wednesday at 10 on Bravo.

"Lewis Black's Root of All Evil" Paul F. Tompkins and Patton Oswalt debate the relative evils of red states vs. blue states. Wednesday at 10:30 on Comedy Central.

"Big Brother 10" The houseguests are surprised to learn there is a double eviction taking place. Julie Chen is the host. Thursday at 8 on CBS.

"Live From Abbey Road" Bryan Adams, Ben Harper and Justin Currie perform and discuss their music at London's famed recording studio. Thursday at 10 on Sundance.

"Reality Bites Back" The "Amazing Disgrace" unfolds in a series of humiliating challenges for the remaining contestants. Thursday at 10:30 on Comedy Central.

"Today" Katy Perry, Jesse McCartney and the Pussycat Dolls perform. Also: author Michael Agovino ("The Bookmaker"). Friday at 7 on NBC.

"Gone Country" Contestants go to prison and try to entertain convicts. Friday at 8 on CMT.

"Real Time With Bill Maher" The sixth season continues. Friday at 11 on HBO.

"Starter Wife Marathon" A rebroadcast of the original six-hour miniseries. Saturday at 9 on USA.

"Biggest Redneck Wedding Ever" Tom Arnold turns a couple's nuptials into the biggest redneck wedding ever. Saturday at 8 on CMT.

"Disney Channel Games 2008" Team members race in large hamster balls on an obstacle course; the closing ceremonies feature a concert by the Cheetah Girls. Saturday at 8 on Disney.

"Wizards of Waverly Place" Alex brings paintings to life during a school trip to an art museum, but she experiences difficulty getting them back to normal; Jerry and Max invent a football that can travel through objects without breaking them. Sunday at 8:30 on Disney.

"Mad Men" Don and Duck attempt to make peace at the office; Peggy tries to find a way to participate in the high-level after-hours meetings being held by the executives; one of Duck's family members visits his office. Sunday at 10 on AMC.

"Jerry Lewis Telethon" Joining the comedy legend for the 43rd Muscular Dystrophy Association benefit are cohosts Ed McMahon, Tom Bergeron, Alison Sweeney, Jann Carl, Billy Gilman, Nancy O'Dell, Ace Young and Norm Crosby in Las Vegas, Tony Orlando in New York, and Bart Conner and Nadia Comaneci in Chicago. Sunday at 11 on WGN America.

WILF Wednesday Week 22

Hey everybody, welcome to WILF Wednesday. Sorry, I've been very preoccupied lately. No fears, I'm still here. Anyways, what can we say about this hottie? When she broke onto the scene in "The Mask" men everywhere were mesmerized. She then appeared in a slew of mostly unseen indie films ("The Last Supper", "Feeling Minnesota", "She's the One"), but regained mainstream success with a pair of blockbusters, "My Best Friend's Wedding", and her first starring role, "There's Something About Mary". Her resume continued growing with films like "Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Her", "A Life Less Ordinary", and "Any Given Sunday". Then came the "Shrek" and "Charlie's Angels" series, which made her one of Hollywood's highest paid actresses. This trend continued, as her payday increased for "In Her Shoes", "The Holiday", and "What Happens in Vegas". Sure, she takes a lot of silly, goofy roles, but she can take some that land her a lot of praise. "Being John Malkovich" was a daring role for her that paid off. "Vanilla Sky" was both a box office smash and a critical hit, and it certainly earned this lady much respect. Her turn in the Oscar-nominated favorite and box office hit "Gangs of New York" may be perhaps her best role yet. And she is a very exotic beauty. She has a mixture of Cuban, English, German, and Native American blood in her, so that makes her a striking beauty. Plus, she has ass that I would personally love to label as my property. She's hot. She's talented. She's exotic. She's a great laugh. She's Cameron Diaz.

TiVo Guide Week of August 18, 2008 *spoiler alert*

"Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" The stranger (Brian Austin Green) struggles to remember life in the future. Meanwhile, Sarah tries to explain to Charley why she had to leave him. Charley Dixon: Dean Winters. Monday at 9 on Fox.

"I Want to Work for Diddy" Two members from each team must go to Paris and convince a model that Diddy saw in a magazine to come back to New York City with them and pose for Sean John. Meanwhile, the other team members have to create a test campaign for Sean John eyewear, with the print ads ultimately being judged by Diddy's head of marketing. Monday at 9 on VH1.

"The Hills" Lauren, Heidi, Audrina, Whitney and the gang are back as the fourth season opens. Monday at 10 on MTV.

"The Secret Life of the American Teenager" Amy's grandma visits the family and offers to help out with Amy's situation. Elsewhere, Adrian makes sure her budding friendship with Grace is on display for all to see. Tuesday at 8 on ABC Family.

"Big Brother 10" The Power of Veto competition is held. Tuesday at 9 on CBS.

"Eureka" Events loop for Carter as he repeatedly experiences the same lousy day. Meanwhile, his free-spirited sister visits the town. Lexi: Ever Carradine. Tuesday at 9 on Sci Fi.

"Project Runway" RuPaul is the guest judge in a challenge that tasks the designers to create flamboyant attire for drag queens. Wednesday at 9 on Bravo.

"Ghost Hunters International" Romania's Banffy Castle is probed, along with Poienari Castle, the realm of Vlad 'The Impaler' Tepes, the real-life inspiration behind Dracula. Wednesday at 9 on Sci Fi.

"MLS Soccer:Chicago at Los Angeles" Chicago at Los Angeles. Thursday at 10 on ESPN2.

"Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew" A winner is chosen in the second-season finale. Thursday at 10 on MTV.

"Glam God With Vivica A. Fox" In the series opener of this reality show, aspiring celebrity stylists begin competing in the areas of hair, makeup and wardrobe, trying to create a distinct look that will prove career-launching. Each week their work is judged by actress Vivica A. Fox, stylist Phillip Bloch and Us Weekly's Melanie Bromley. In the end, the winner gets to style a star and receives $100,000. Thursday at 10 on VH1.

"The Cheetah Girls One World" Chanel, Aqua and Dorinda travel to India to star in a Bollywood movie, but they soon learn there is only one role for a Cheetah Girl, so they each compete for it. Adrienne Bailon; Sabrina Bryan; Kiely Williams. Friday at 8 on Disney.

"Monk" Monk falls for a woman (Joanna Pacula) accused of killing a cabbie and works to prove her innocence despite overwhelming evidence of her guilt. Friday at 9 on USA.

"Jeffrey Ross: No Offense Live From New Jersey" Comic Jeffrey Ross performs a stand-up routine that includes riffs on high school, airport security and growing up in the Garden State. Friday at 11:30 on Comedy Central.

"Primeval" Nick worries about his wife as prehistoric reptiles invade swimming pools, cellars and reservoirs via space-time anomalies. Saturday at 9 on BBC America.

"Flu Bird Horror" Avian flu fears are tapped in this horror tale about teens menaced by vicious mutant birds during a wilderness outing. Directed by Leigh Scott. Saturday at 9 on Sci Fi.

"Eli Stone" In the first-season finale, Eli has surgery to remove his brain aneurysm, but when the procedure causes complications, Nathan is left with a difficult decision about his brother's future. Meanwhile, Dr. Chen finally figures out his connection to Eli. Saturday at 10 on ABC.

"Local Programming" Program description not available. Sunday at 12 on MyNetworkTV.

"Local Programming" Program description not available. Sunday at 11 on CBS.

"Local Programming" Program description not available. Sunday at 11:30 on ABC.

"Local Programming" Program description not available. Sunday at 12 on The CW.

"Local Programming" Program description not available. Sunday at 12 on Fox.

"Generation Kill" In the series finale, Bravo arrives in Baghdad, where they do their best to address a restless population's concerns about food, water, medicine and electricity shortages. Meanwhile, a departing Scribe discusses recent events with the Godfather, and tempers flare during a football game at an abandoned Iraqi army base. Sunday at 9 on HBO.

"I Love Money" Contestants compete in a challenge called "The Spit Olympics" and deal with a demanding paymaster. Meanwhile, a surprising secret pact is made between two players, and a long-lasting alliance falls apart. Sunday at 10 on VH1.

SummerSlam results

Another pay-per-view, another successful night for yours truely. SummerSlam put me right back on the winning track with a 4-3 night. My record now is at 164-129. Kudos to Triple H, Batista, CM Punk, and Montel Vontavious Porter for scoring the wins. Mark Henry, Edge, and Kofi Kingston & Mickie James, thanks for nothing, ya bums. By the way, will somebody tell how Triple H could hit The Great Khali with a Pedigree. Even before the theory was brought up, I thought it was anatomically impossible for The Great Khali to be hit with such a move. He seemed too tall and too thick in the upper body to be hit with a Pedigree.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series at Michigan

The Heroes: Carl Edwards. Two races and two backflips from Edwards this weekend. He used his fifth Cup victory this season to pull away from Jimmie Johnson and Dale Earnhardt Jr. for second place in the points standings.
David Ragan. With 50 laps to go, he had the fastest car on the track. He finished third, his best Cup finish of the season. The 22-year-old used the top-five finish to pull within 26 points of the final Chase spot with only three races left before the 12-driver playoff.
The Goats: Jeff Gordon's pit crew. Despite having what Gordon thought was a strong car, poor pit stops early put him at the back of the field. While racing to get back up front, he collided with teammate Johnson, ultimately blowing both drivers' tires and their shots at victory.
Rick Hendrick. After being the winning owner of the June race, Hendrick's four cars were shut out of the top 15 on Sunday. Jimmie Johnson finished 17th, Casey Mears 18th, Dale Earnhardt Jr. 23rd and Jeff Gordon 42nd.

SummerSlam card & picks

Standard match for the ECW Championship
Mark Henry (c) vs. Matt Hardy

Standard match for the WWE Championship
Triple H (c) vs. The Great Khali

Hell in a Cell match
The Undertaker vs. Edge

Standard match
John Cena vs. Batista

Intergender tag team match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship and WWE Women's Championship; the winning team takes both titles
Kofi Kingston (c) and Mickie James (c) vs. Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix

Standard match for the World Heavyweight Championship
CM Pink (c) vs. John "Bradshaw" Layfield

Standard match
Jeff Hardy vs. Montel Vontavious Porter

After further review, I found I messed up in my count and remembered I changed my pick to Cody Rhodes & Ted DeBiase over Hardcore Holly when it became apparent the latter would be the one in a two-on-one match. As such, my record is actually 160-126. Anyways, enough chit-chat, here's my picks for SummerSlam tonight. I'm going with Mark Henry, Triple H, Edge, Batista, Kofi Kingston & Mickie James, CM Punk, and Montel Vontavious Porter. That 160-126 mark? Let's hope it gets better after an average Great American Bash. I can only hope I'm more like Michael Phelps than the New England Patriots, in terms of seeking perfection, that is.

2007's box office winners

As I should have done a while back, I hereby present you with the official final numbers for the top box office grossers of 2007.

28. "Evan Almighty" $100M
27. "Paranormal Activity" $108M
26. "Ghost Rider" $116M
25. "Ocean's Thirteen" $117M
24. "Blades of Glory" $118M
23. "Hairspray" $119M
22. "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry" $120M
21. "Superbad" $121M
20. "Bee Movie" $127M
19. "Enchanted" $128M
18. "American Gangster" $130M
17. "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" $132M
16. "Live Free or Die Hard" $135M
15. "Rush Hour 3" $140M
14. "Juno" $143M
13. "Knocked Up" $149M
12. "Wild Hogs" $162M
11. "The Simpsons Movie" $183M
10. "Ratatouille" $206M
9. "Alvin and the Chipmunks" $217M
8. "National Treasure: Book of Secrets" $220M
7. "The Bourne Ultiumatum" $227M
6. "I Am Legend" $256M
5. "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" $292M
4. "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" $309M
3. "Transformers" $319M
2. "Shrek the Third" $321M
1. "Spider-Man 3" $337M

I think as you can see, the American box office hardly gets it wrong. Occassionally, there's a questionable call (in 2006's case, "Grindhouse"), but I think the world's top cinema nation once again has shown we have, for the most part, the smartest movie-goers in the world.

WILF Wednesday Week 21

Hey there everybody. Welcome back to the one and only WILF Wednesday. I'm your host, Tom Barry, aka InThe313, aka AnistonAnarchist, aka That Sports And Britney Spears Obsessed Republican Nut From Detroit. So, before I begin, let's go over a couple of things. First, big props to theassman345xxxo for making these glorious videos. Keep up the good work, brother. Secondly, while this video is not pornographic, some mind find it objective, so viewer discretion is advised. Do you know how tired I am of saying that? Anyways, this hottie is one of my established favorites. She started out on "All My Children" as Kendall Hart. This role was simply the beginning of big things for her. After she left the show, she scored the role of her lifetime as the blonde, smart-mouthed protector of the human race in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". While she was being critically acclaimed for this role, she earned movie role after movie role. During her time on "BTVS", she starred in movies such as "I Know What You Did Last Summer", "Cruel Intentions", and "Harvard Man". Also on her resume include spots in the "Scooby-Doo" and "Grudge" movies, "Southland Tales", and "The Air I Breathe". Of course I recommend you try to have sex with her, but you should get consent first. After all, she's a brown belt in tae-kwon-do. If said consent is given, definitely go for her ass. So it's so well-toned, you can't say no to it. She's hot. She's a versatile actress. She's someone who can kick your ass. She's a Daytime Emmy Award winner. She's a Saturn Award winner. She's Sarah Michelle Gellar.

TiVo Guide Week of August 11, 2008 *spoiler alert*

"Fairly OddParents" Timmy receives a scholarship to Dark Laser's university and his parents accept it on his behalf. Later, Timmy's wish for a stylish haircut leaves him with an out-of-control hair-do thanks to Cosmo. Monday at 6 on Nickelodeon.

"The Closer" Provena gets in hot water (yet again), when he loses evidence from a successfully executed sting operation. Brenda and her team are subsequently forced to free their suspect, despite being given a 48-hour window to retrieve the lost materials. Jennifer Coolidge guest stars. Monday at 9 on TNT.

"The Middleman" When an old enemy known as the Candle resurfaces, the Middleman and Wendy unfreeze the 1969 Middleman (Kevin Sorbo) and ask him for help. The three of them try to work together to catch the villain, but the veteran Middleman has some difficulties adjusting his mind-set to the present day. Yet this doesn't stop Wendy from seeking relationship advice from him. Monday at 10 on ABC Family.

"Wipeout" Contestants include an ice-cream scooper, a nanny, a fitness model, a performance artist, a funeral-home counselor, a tae-kwon-do instructor, a registered nurse and a bartender. Obstacles featured: Donut Run, Crazy Beams, Pole Vault, the Toothbrush Sweeper, Big Balls, Launch Pads and Sucker Punch. Tuesday at 8 on ABC.

"How to Look Good Naked" Carson takes two sisters with body insecurities to Hawaii to renew their confidence. Tuesday at 10 on Lifetime.

"General Hospital: Night Shift" Patrick gets attacked by a woman speaking French, then he and Robin deliver bad news to Robert. Meanwhile, Jagger has Saira evaluate Stone; Toussaint takes Epiphany on their first date; and Kyle gives a sex-ed lesson to a group of senior citizens. Tuesday at 11 on SoapNet.

"Criminal Minds" In a diner in Nevada, surrounded by local police, Gideon sits with a notorious serial killer (Keith Carradine) and tries to get him to divulge where he's keeping a woman hostage. Adding to the drama is the killer's vow to walk out of the diner a free man. Jane: Amy Madigan. Wednesday at 9 on CBS.

"MonsterQuest" Stories of a giant octopus large enough to sink boats are explored. Included: diving expeditions in the North Pacific. Wednesday at 9 on History.

"Shear Genius" The hairstylists must create back-to-school looks for a group of active 5-year-olds. Later, they must style the hair of their significant others. Celebrity stylists Dean Banowetz and David Babaii are the guest judges. Wednesday at 10 on Bravo.

"Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List" In the fourth-season finale, Kathy visits Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C., to spread cheer to recuperating soldiers with a special stand-up performance. Thursday at 10 on Bravo.

"Burn Notice" Michael attempts to catch an embezzler inside a hip-hop artist's charity by tricking the thief into swiping a higher amount. Thursday at 10 on USA.

"MVP: He Shoots, She Scores" Molly's kidnapper demands a spot on the team as a form of ransom, and Evelyn's distress mounts when she learns that Molly has been moved. Meanwhile, Damon ODs on amphetamines; Trevor starts paying for his overindulgences; and Gabe's plan to propose gets sidelined. Thursday at 11 on SoapNet.

"Degrassi: The Next Generation" Liberty clashes with Toby and Emma during preparations for the Class of 2007's dance and graduation ceremony. Friday at 8 on The N.

"Outsiders Inn" Bobby Brown, Maureen McCormick and Carnie Wilson operate a bed-and-breakfast in rural east Tennessee in the premiere of this reality show. Friday at 9 on CMT.

"Psych" Shawn and Gus investigate a case from the 1970s in hopes of permanently jailing the culprit, who could go free on a technicality. Friday at 10 on USA.

"Olympics: Swimming, track and field, women's marathon" Michael Phelps swims in his eighth event of the Games, the 4x100m medley relay live, on swimming's last night and Tyson Gay runs for gold in the men's 100m. Also live: swimming (men's 1500m free; women's 4x100m medley relay, 50m free); women's marathon. Saturday at 7:30 on NBC.

"Disney Channel Games 2008" The teams participate in foosball and tug-of-war competitions; Demi Lovato and the Jonas Brothers perform at a post-games concert. Saturday at 8 on Disney.

"Confessions of a Go-Go Girl" A college grad (Chelsea Hobbs) turns to go-go dancing for some quick cash, but the job soon takes over her life, pulling her away from friends and family and her pursuit of an acting career. Rachel Hunter, Corbin Bernsen and Sarah Carter also star. Saturday at 9 on Lifetime.

"Little Girl Lost: The Delimar Vera Story" Program description not available. Sunday at 8 on LMN.

"Roast of Bob Saget" John Stamos hosts this salute to Bob Saget, his "Full House" costar. Roasters include Susie Essman, Greg Giraldo, Artie Lange, Tracy Morgan and Jeffrey Ross. Sunday at 10 on Comedy Central.

"In Plain Sight" Season 1 ends with Mary fearing for her job after Brandi's involvement with drug trafficking is revealed. Meanwhile, Stan and Marshall take on a special assignment. Sunday at 10 on USA.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the third and final rounds of the PGA Championship

The Hero: Padraig Harrington. Great job on winning the British - er, the PGA. When does the Grand Slam hype begin, Paddy?
The Goat: J.B. Holmes. His chances lasted one swing - his opening shot hooked into the trees for a triple bogey.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the third round of the PGA Championship

The Hero: Andres Romero. He comes back like Lazarus from a second-round 78 to tie a course record with a 65.
The Goat: Michigan weather. Nice job, Great Lakes State. The local economy and the region's reputation aren't hurting enough, so the wet stuff has to chase away thousands looking for a distraction.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the first and second rounds of the PGA Championship

The Hero: J.B. Holmes. One of the poster boys for the bomb-and-gouge set proved length isn't all that matters by hitting quality irons and nailing 14 greeens in regulation in taking the 36-hole lead.
The Goat: Colin Montgomerie. The best player never to have won a major? After an 84 in the second round, I think not, Montie.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the first round of the PGA Championship

The Hero: Robert Karlsson. The tall Swede, who has three top 10's in the majors this year, opened with a double bogey and rallied with six birdies for a 68.
The Goat: Hunter Mahan. The runner-up at the 2002 U.S. Amateur at Oakland Hills sure didn't put his course knowledge to good use with an opening 81.

WILF Wednesday Week 20

Welcome back one and all to WILF Wednesday. I'm your host for today, Tom Barry. I'd like to say thanks to the second-coolest person I communicate with from the United Kingdom, theassman345xxxo, for making this video. Keep giving us hot celebrity asses, man. Man, have I been excited for the woman. Let's go down memory lane. Before fame and wealth, she was a poor girl, at one point even homeless. She worked odd jobs, including mowing lawns; building porches with her contractor stepfather; working at a movie theater, Papa John's, Subway, Six Flags Over Texas, and Starbucks; and even selling vacuums door-to-door (the latter job she talked about as saying, and I kid you not, was that "it sucked"). But she also performed many musicals during middle and high school, and her teachers knew this girl had potential. Then, in the summer of 2002, that potential was tapped. She made a bold move by going on a new reality show, maybe you've heard of it, "American Idol". She won the hearts of Americans and international fans the world over and was the first "American Idol" winner. Seriously, how could you forget the way she held back tears while performing "A Moment Like This" just minutes after being named the winner? And it was the start of something big. She would compete against the globe's best on "World Idol", and finished second despite a vocal problem (curse you, "Norweigan Idol" winner Kurt Nilsen). She did a movie that I thing we'd rather all forget. But it's been smooth sailing since. Her first album, with songs like "Miss Independent", "Low", and "The Trouble With Love Is", was a great success. Her second album, with smashes like "Breakaway", "Since U Been Gone", "Behind These Hazel Eyes", "Because of You", and "Walk Away", was her crowning achievement. Her third album, with the hit "Never Again", was critically applauded but failed to match her first two albums. No problem. She's got a fourth album set for release this fall, and she's going back to the traditional pop sound that made her a star. Trust me, she can bounce back. She's lived through being chewed out by Simon Cowell and saved her career from the movie she was in with Justin Guarini. And let's us not forget that ass. Some call her fat. To these people, I say, go screw yourselves. She doesn't have to been stick thin to look good. Matter of fact, I think she looks great. After all, real women do have curves. And does this girl have curves. Makes me want to swat at that delicious looking ass of hers so much more. She's hot. She's tough as nails. She's America's sweetheart. She's a two-time Grammy Award winner. She's an Idol series winner. She's Kelly Clarkson.

313's Heroes and Goats

From the final rounds of the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational and the Reno-Tahoe Open

The Heroes: Vijay Singh. Singh's win in the Bridgestone Invitational on Sunday opens up a shot for an alternate, since Singh had already qualified. That's gotta make him somebody's hero, right?
Parker McLachlin. Speaking of a late edition, there's McLachlin, whose first PGA Tour win gets him a Thursday tee time.
The Goat: Phil Mickelson. After opening the Bridgestone's final round bogey-free through the first 14 holes to build a one-shot lead, Lefty threw it away by making three bogeys on the final four holes.

TiVo Guide Week of August 4, 2008 *spoiler alert*

"Teen Choice 2008" Miley Cyrus hosts the 10th annual gala honoring achievement in entertainment, sports and fashion. Mariah Carey is slated to perform, and the Jonas Brothers field viewer questions. Also scheduled to appear: Mischa Barton; Drake Bell; Kristen Bell; Chris Brown; Sophia Bush; Steve Carell; Chace Crawford; Zac Efron; Selena Gomez; Josh Holloway; JoJo; Scarlett Johansson; Minka Kelly; Jesse McCartney; Chad Michael Murray; Danica Patrick; Hayden Panettiere; Jaime Pressly; Ryan Sheckler; Brittany Snow. Monday at 8 on Fox.

"Nashville Star" Season 6 ends with performances by the three finalists and host Billy Ray Cyrus before the winner is announced. George Jones makes an appearance. Monday at 10 on NBC.

"Saving Grace" When a mother of two vanishes, clues point to a teen girl and her druggie boyfriend as suspects. Elsewhere, Grace's young nephew (Dylan Minnette) joins a police program and corners Ham about his romantic dalliances with Grace; and Butch is hounded by a possible stalker who is connected to the department. Monday at 10 on TNT.

"The Secret Life of the American Teenager" After much delay, Amy tells her mother that she's pregnant. Meanwhile, on a day Amy doesn't show up at school, rumors circulate that she took off in order to "take care of" her problem. Tuesday at 8 on ABC Family.

"Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood" Tori and Dean race to get their new house in order before baby No. 2 arrives. Before long, the duo must depart for the hospital, with friends helping to put finishing touches on their home. Tuesday at 10 on Oxygen.

"General Hospital: Night Shift" Robin is surprised when an uncooperative plane-crash victim in the ER turns out to be her father (Tristan Rogers), and then she grows concerned when he doesn't recognize her. Elsewhere, Saira and Leo try to deny their mutual attraction; Kyle and Claire have some disagreements as roommates; and Toussaint and Epiphany discuss their relationship. Tuesday at 11 on SoapNet.

"Greatest American Dog" The fifth dog-owner team is eliminated from the competition. Wednesday at 8 on CBS.

"MythBusters" The seventh season opens with fan-requested myths, including whether steak can be tenderized with explosives and if driving while angry changes a car's exhaust emissions. Wednesday at 9 on Discovery.

"Shear Genius" The "ruff" get going when the hairstylists must create looks for pet owners and their dogs. Before that, the group utilizes goods found in a kitchen cabinet to style hair. Celebrity stylist Robert Hallowell is the guest judge. Wednesday at 10 on Bravo.

"America's Got Talent" Top acts from the audition rounds return in the "Vegas Callbacks." Thursday at 9:30 on NBC.

"Soundstage" Country music's Kenny Chesney performs in the 15th-season finale. Included: "Back Where I Come From," "Beer in Mexico," "Better as a Memory," "Big Star," "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems," "Summertime," "When the Sun Goes Down" and "Young." Thursday at 10 on PBS.

"Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List" Kathy joins computer maven Steve Wozniak in Silicon Valley to cohost a Humane Society charity event, but circumstances test their relationship. Meanwhile, Kathy tries to play Cupid for an actress gal pal. Thursday at 10 on Bravo.

"Good Morning America" The Jonas Brothers perform. Also: a recipe by Emeril Lagasse. Friday at 7 on ABC.

"Today" Michael Phelps; Ryan Lochte. Friday at 7 on NBC.

"Olympics: Opening Ceremony" The Games of the XXIX Olympiad officially begin in Beijing with the Opening Ceremony at National Stadium, known as the "Bird's Nest" because of its network of steel girders. The ceremony includes the parade of nations and lighting of the Olympic cauldron and spotlights the culture of China with a cast of 10,000 performers. Friday at 7:30 on NBC.

"Disney Channel Games 2008" The stars must match their rival teammates to their baby pictures, with the losers visiting a dunking booth. Later, Jordan Pruitt performs. Saturday at 8 on Disney.

"True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet" A teen star (Joanna Levesque) leaves rehab and adjusts to normal life out of the spotlight, living with her aunt (Valerie Bertinelli) in a small town. Based on the book by Lola Douglas. Saturday at 9 on Lifetime.

"Monster Ark" An ancient evil is unleashed by archaeologists in a remote region of the Middle East. Renee O'Connor, Tommy "Tiny" Lister, Carlos Leon. Directed by Declan O'Brien. Saturday at 9 on Sci Fi.

"Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" In the series opener, Sarah and John flee to a new town. Meanwhile, a Terminator is alerted to their movement and sent to assassinate John. Little do they know that another cyborg has been sent to protect John and ensure his eventual leadership of the revolution. Sunday at 9 on Fox.

"Generation Kill" Despite an armored division's punishing response to First Recon's intelligence-gathering about an ambush-in-waiting at a strategic bridge, Bravo still meets stiff resistance while making several attempts to cross it; a survey of the battlefield prompts more questions than answers about the enemy; a roadblock in Al Muwaffiqiyah tests the Marines' ever-changing rules of engagement. Sunday at 9 on HBO.

"Brooke Knows Best" Brooke shows off her adventurous side while dating extreme-sports fan Keith, joining him for wakeboarding and paintball. But then she learns one of his hobbies is something that makes her feel sick. Sunday at 10 on VH1.